I feel like Drew Carey on The Price is Right—the next revelation, Come on Down!
I spent the weekend in Minneapolis with our Teachers’ Training group. After several years of on again, off again gatherings to learn how to teach the material in Foundation fashion, this was my final learning module before I “graduate.” The Foundation approach is holographic, using cross-cultural mysticism, hard science, art, literature, history, sociology, psychology and varied religious practices to open students to consciousness and to help them create a spiritual practice of their own.
What I discovered, after being in emotional distress most of the weekend, is that I’ve been holding on to this group as a piece of Minneapolis Grief. Yes, I’ve known and worked with some of the people in the group for over twelve years. Yes, I learned the skills that help me manage my bipolar disorder there. But now that my grief over leaving the Twin Cities has faded and begun to heal, I’m seeing More about the group and myself.
My spiritual compass has been pointing me toward being more of a phoenix than a teacher. My aim is to build a rich, meaningful life out of the ashes my bipolar disorder made of my old life. If any quality of teaching exists in that it will come from my writing, from sharing my story, or from quiet one-on-one conversations.
I held on to this group out of hunger and pain. We do share an openness and acceptance for others’ spiritual paths, but there are only two women in the larger Minnesota group whom I’m close to and consider friends. The rest are acquaintances—like folks in a church congregation who chat and share a potluck dinner. Even my teacher, Melanie, is an acquaintance.
It was difficult to let them go after holding on so long. Fingers cramp and remember the strain of grasping. But, a few days after the fact, my relief and sense of expansion hints that this might have been the correct course of action. There’s more room now for what’s to come next. More ashes for the phoenix to use as raw material.
Strain and resistance are powerful forces for transformation. David Bowie had the right idea. Turn and Face the Strain.