A Spot of Coppery Sunshine in a Gray Sky

It was a hard morning—one where the amphetamine doesn’t work and suicidal thoughts fill my empty cup.  I tried arting at the Starbucks in Tulsa, but couldn’t summon any interest, so started home sooner than expected.

As I drove I remembered that I’d dreamt about Barack and Michelle Obama two nights in a row.  In the dreams, I was happy,  hopeful, and part of a positive flow.  I thought, “Okay, this is where I need to take my brain today.”

As the negative images resurfaced, I summoned President Obama’s cheerful face, talking to me like a friend.  I felt the lightness of my dream-heart and the sense of rightness.

This spot of brightness in my gray morning reminded me of a project I’m working on—making sets of tiny Penny Positives like the ones I make each year for my friend Sarah.  I found tiny plastic sleeves to keep them protected and little paper mâché boxes that a set of 50 will fit into.  I planned to label the boxes “Penny Positives: A Spot of Coppery Sunshine for a Gray Sky.”

I also remembered that I’d sent both President Obama and President Carter Gratitude Postcards last week, telling them how much hope they add to my life.  I’m thinking I will spend time this afternoon making a new Gratitude List.  Maybe more people on that list will seep into my dreams, which might give my brain additional hopeful rest stops.

I’m better now—tired and slow-witted, but that part of depression isn’t nearly as frightening or dangerous as the Black Thoughts.  There’s a sense of being more skilled than my Black Thoughts let me believe, and there’s gratitude for that.

This Bipolar Highway is never-ending and ever-changing.  It seems like I’m being called to build more Comfort Stations now.  And the more I can build, the longer the Adventure continues.

My Way

Art is not a thing, it is a way. — Elbert Hubbard

Since I’ve been churning out a shitload of cards the past couple of months, I’ve also sold an equally shitloady amount.  Lots of Etsy shops add little bits and bobs to their orders as a thank you, and I’ve always wanted to do that, too.  I could never find the right tidbit, though.  I’ve tried a bunch of little things, but they weren’t quite right.  Yesterday, as Emmett marched around my head to get me up, the lightbulb went off.

Last summer I bought a shoebox full of old postcards at a flea market, intending them for Glue Card bases.  Glue Cards are made from only magazines, junk mail and a glue stick—a quick, down and dirty creative blat.  I sent Glue Cards as my Christmas cards this past year, I’d made so many.  If I cheated and stamped “Thank You” on them (because cutting out letters is soooooo tedious), they would make the perfect “gift” for my Etsy orders.  Here are the three I made yesterday.


My day is planned.

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