• Post Title and Inspiration:
Mary Oliver — Still, what I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled–To cast aside the weight of facts–And maybe even to float a little above this difficult world.
Artful, Conscious Living with Bipolar Disorder
07 May 2020 Leave a comment
in anxiety, Art, Covid19, Floating a Little, support
• Post Title and Inspiration:
Mary Oliver — Still, what I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled–To cast aside the weight of facts–And maybe even to float a little above this difficult world.
05 May 2020 2 Comments
in anxiety, Art, Covid19, Floating a Little, support
• Post Title and Inspiration:
Mary Oliver — Still, what I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled–To cast aside the weight of facts–And maybe even to float a little above this difficult world.
27 Mar 2020 11 Comments
in anxiety, Art, compassion, Covid19, glue cards, Mental Health, Quality of Life, relationships Tags: kindness
I’ve been reading about small acts of kindness and support that make a huge difference in the long run. And we’re in this for the long run. So, I’m brainstorming different ideas about how I can make a contribution in my small way.
Lisa Vollrath is sponsoring a Glue Card Swap of Good Thoughts that I’m going to participate in. Glue Cards are usually made out of trash, junk mail, recycled anything. Down and dirty collage that’s fast and EASY. So, if you’re the least bit interested, visit Lisa’s site and sign up.
In the meantime, I’ll be posting more Penny Positives and any other art that comes from a place of breath and love—like the Glue Card here. I make these from scraps with a glue stick on old postcards, then stick them in my Etsy orders as a little thank you. Sometimes these cards end up funnier than anything in my shop. Or sweeter, like this Hello, Kitty girl (I love Hello Kitty).
What kinds of small things are you all doing to help yourself stay sane and to pass that on?
14 Oct 2019 29 Comments
in anxiety, Art, bipolar disorder, Mental Health, Mental Illness, mixed-media art, Penny Positives
After some fussing and fuming, the first Teeny Penny Positive Boxed Set sits in my Etsy shop.
I don’t know why this makes me nervous. Maybe because I love these itty bitty things (1 ½ inches by 2 inches) and have spent lots of time on them. But that doesn’t make sense. I spend lots of time on all my work. Maybe it’s more like sending your kid off to kindergarten.
Maybe it’s because my sister commented that my art has gotten smaller and more complicated over the years, which, she is sure, indicates a kind of pinched pathology. An interesting theory. Still, I love doing tiny things well, so that’s what I’ll keep doing. Whatever makes the soul sing, right?
I have three more sets in various stages of completion. That ought to keep the music flowing for a while.
(PS. This sold almost as soon as I hit “Post.” So Holy Crap, folks!)
01 Oct 2019 5 Comments
in anxiety, Art, bipolar disorder, delusion, distorted thinking, Mental Health, Mental Illness, music, video Tags: Carlos Nakai
Even though I’m not arting right now (and sitting very uncomfortably in that Void), I’ve made almost 120 larger Penny Positives. Since this is #67, I can keep posting them for a while.
This blank space is very weird. My mind scrambles to pick something up. Anxiety burns my gut and my sleep. Breathing helps. Listening to my old collection of “sound healing” music helps (Steven Halpern, Jonathan Goldman, Carlos Nakai), paying attention to the discomfort helps. I have to believe this is an incubation period. I have to trust that this is a process. Otherwise, I’m just left with delusion and distorted thinking. What is truth and what is insanity? I never know.
So, I wait.
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30 Sep 2019 11 Comments
in anxiety, Art, bipolar disorder, creativity, depression, distorted thinking, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Quality of Life
Slowly, over the past several months, the desire to make dribbled out of me until yesterday I couldn’t stand to snip one more little piece of paper. After an SOS to my art friends, they reassured me that this happens to them, too. They suggested changing mediums, lying fallow for a time, or taking up something radically different.
I started a drawing class at our local art guild, hoping for social contact and a reconnect of some kind with an old skill that I used to love. Neither wish has been granted so far, despite sweaty effort to clear a path through my mental minefields.
I’m frightened. Arting is my last, best safety net, the place I can always go when the bipolar demons scream the loudest. It’s gone for now, and I can’t imagine what to do with this void or how I’ll manage.
I’m bone and brain tired, so I know enough not to make more of this than it is. Something will present itself. There’s plenty of room for it to wander in. Until then, I guess I wait with empty hands.
25 May 2019 10 Comments
in anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, distress tolerance, Mental Health, Mental Illness, triggers Tags: Avengers, Medicare, stress, Tornados, Weather
Waiting to see if flood waters will take out the water treatment plant, all my old plastic file boxes, garbage cans and pots sit filled. Waiting for another tornado warning to blare from my phone, Emmett stays in hiding most of the day. Waiting for my new Medicare D coverage to start in July, my rationed medication can’t take the edge off the agitation or depression.
So, today I’ll choose suspense I can enjoy.
07 Sep 2018 17 Comments
in anxiety, Art, art journaling, bipolar disorder, distorted thinking, Health, Mental Health, Mental Illness, mixed-media art, music, Quality of Life, therapy, video Tags: health care, Medicare, wailin jennys
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My mind is a swamp. A swamp littered with broken glass. I know how important it is to put on my big rubber boots.
I have to navigate Medicare’s blockade. Again. Still. I need to work with a doctor who doesn’t believe me and seems outraged when I ask him to address my needs. And this might all be my swamp, bubbling up and belching gas. A hallucination? Reality? Somewhere in between?
It makes my gut ache, all this wading around and watching for gators. The glass shards glitter in the foggy light, slicing across thin rubber.
I realize I take high offense at being disbelieved, as if I know nothing of my own body or the patterns of my Everglade mind. It is a kind of erasure, wiping away my years of struggle and learning, all the experimentation, all the adventure. It denies my intelligence.
So, I take a big lungful of the swamp gas and blow it out. Offense is a state of mind. An unhelpful state of mind. My task today is to adjust my perspective. I cannot be erased by another. I know who I am. I know what I know. And I will play the Game.
Synchonistically, I started an online course today called Creative Mindfulness. And I will meet with a new therapist who is versed in Cognitive and Dialectic Behavior therapies as well as Mindfulness.
“Calling All Angels. Walk Me Through This One.”
01 Mar 2018 4 Comments
in anxiety, art journaling, bipolar disorder, Mental Health, Mental Illness, mixed-state, triggers, video Tags: art therapy, Panda Planner, stress
After some semi-comatose recovery time from my Taos-Fail, I wheeled my art cart into Starbucks yesterday and camped out for the morning. Surrounding my surrogate-self on the page with the warm, chuffing bulk of pachyderms coaxed my sore brain to a softer place.
I also started working with my Panda Planner, a tool my therapist highly recommends. Along with the regular planner-type stuff, it fosters brain health with headings like What I’m Grateful For, Things I’m Looking Forward To, and a nightly review that includes Wins for the Day.
I feel like I’m starting to crawl out from under the stress of moving (or not knowing when I’ll move) and get back to things that need attention. Slowly. Carefully. I don’t want to startle the elephants.