The Wind

From my journal yesterday.

Sitting in Martha and Jon’s garden with the rush of the wind in the trees.  I’d forgotten that sound, like the ocean roaring, fading, roaring.  It will rain soon, but for now the sun breaks the clouds in the east, and this roaring is full of life, and energy, and danger.

If I am to stay, I must find a way to thrive instead of just existing.  It will have to be something new since the old ways aren’t working.  Everything changes.  My illness buffets me like this wind.

I need a way to flow with it… (Ah. The rain is coming.  Good.  That feels right, too) … I need a way that makes my illness an organic part of the solution, the way the wind blows pollen, strengthens roots, culls the dead branches, mixes things together and apart.

I can feel the wind and the blow behind my words clearing space.  The sky darkens.  Thunder grumbles in the distance.  The rooster next door crows.  Something is coming.

Hints abound if I can stay awake and open, if I keep looking, keep trying, keep experimenting.  There are seasons in me cycling faster than Nature.  I feel the rain on my back, the cold on my skin.  I feel my rain and cold turning again.

I can continue to turn.  I can continue to seek.  I can get wet and cold with winds roaring inside and out.  And it will all keep turning if I learn new ways to turn with it.  I’ve done it before.

The patter of drops on leaves sounds like applause.

14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Catherine Cheng, MD
    Apr 23, 2020 @ 15:50:26

    Sandy Sue, there are not good enough words to describe how much I love this post. Onward, courageous soul!!

    Reply

  2. Sawsan
    Apr 23, 2020 @ 18:28:48

    Love this. So much wisdom and beauty to take from your words, Sandy!

    “I need a way to flow with it… (Ah. The rain is coming.  Good.  That feels right, too) … I need a way that makes my illness an organic part of the solution, the way the wind blows pollen, strengthens roots, culls the dead branches, mixes things together and apart.”

    Reply

  3. TamrahJo
    Apr 23, 2020 @ 18:48:04

    Hugs – and yes, whether finding the sway in the wind, or floating with the current, instead of upcurrent/thrashing in the undertow – well – it all takes a life time to figure out, for most humans – you just are in the ‘crash course’ of it all – but figure you’ll find your way forth, anyhoo – I have faith in your moxie, your courage and your willingness to just ‘be’ and say, ‘hmmm….okey-dokey, now what shall I do?” and listen to the gifts you have, to find the way –

    Reply

    • Sandy Sue
      Apr 24, 2020 @ 08:39:02

      Faith is a tricksome critter.

      Reply

      • TamrahJo
        Apr 24, 2020 @ 21:42:39

        Yes – I always liked the parable of ‘the mustard seed’ and that’s my mantra when my ‘faith’ is at low ebb – cuz, I know first hand, here, get just one durn wild mustard plant on the place and pretty soon, that water suckin’ hog is trying to take over the entire garden area! LOL – tiny seed – that I try not to lose completely (oops! it just rolled under the refrigerator….LOL)

      • Sandy Sue
        Apr 25, 2020 @ 12:21:16

        Heeheehee.

      • TamrahJo
        Apr 25, 2020 @ 14:02:00

        True story – a marble charm, that had a seed embedded it – that the old, cheapy chain from childhood finally couldn’t handle the weight of me hanging it in the kitchen, as a reminder – broke, it fell, and then after attempting retrieval – I left it until we moved the fridge when we move out and it was no where to be found – upon which time, my mantra changed from ‘it’s okay, my mustard seed is right under the fridge!’ to ‘it’s okay, a mouse has my mustard seed for safe keeping’ – – LOL

      • Sandy Sue
        Apr 25, 2020 @ 14:19:04

        I freakin’ LOVE that!

      • TamrahJo
        Apr 25, 2020 @ 14:49:57

        my memory of that, too share with you, inspired me to write, yet another ‘whatever works’ lil post – – LOL. which is ‘in works’ – LOL

  4. Writer Lori
    Apr 24, 2020 @ 04:23:01

    I love your perspective on the wind, Sandy. It terrifies me…a by-product of growing up in tornado alley I fear. But your observations offer a new way to consider this natural phenomenon. May these winds bring fresh insights to you….

    Reply

  5. Kiki
    May 02, 2020 @ 03:42:57

    Sandy, you said it all. You are a wise soul and sorry (not) for repeating myself.

    Reply

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