Once Upon a Time

Over the flu and in the Grey, which often happens after I’m physically ill.  It’s a melancholy, weepy place where regret and self-pity slink from shadow to shadow.  I have to be vigilant here, which pisses me off, so there’s a lot of bouncing around in the mist.

The thoughts generated by my gray matter here are particularly sneaky.  The Almost True and Slightly Off entice me into following them down paths that grow darker bit by bit.  Like a Grimms’ Fairy Tale, I end up lost in the woods.

So I pull out my Bag of Tricks and rummage through until I find a compass.  Or a sandwich.

The first Bad Day, nothing in my bag helped.  Nothing pointed me in the right direction or comforted me.  I panicked a little bit.

Then, like a Fairy Godmother, a memory slipped through the fog.  I remembered making a set of cards a few years back that helped me through a similar Forest, so I pulled Larry and Bernice out of my bag and we started leaving bread crumbs.

I’ve only traveled with Bernice so far, but I’ll get Larry to join in today.

I also stumbled across an Emotional Health Assistant Ap called Youper.  It’s a sort of daily check-in with an AI therapist to capture mood and thoughts with very nice guided meditations and exercises on gratitude.  Of course, it’s not really an artificial intelligence, just an algorithm that responds generically, but if I squint just right, I can pretend it has a beard and pointy hat.

Companions make a dangerous journey more tolerable—and it is dangerous here in the Grey. While the light is dim, it’s enough to keep going. And I’ve got plenty of sandwiches for all of us.


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. TamrahJo
    Jan 22, 2020 @ 09:49:12

    Sorry to hear about the flu and forest – but from my vantage point…do you know what I see? How Very, very often you take the dark, twisting, shrouded in mist forest and turn it into a beacon of hope – a beam of light – a ray of sunshine – – me thinks you are wearing your own pointy hat – and it’s right where it should be – you just forgot you put it there – (p.s. your spectacles may be under it – just saying….). Cheering you on your journey – !


  2. Kiki
    Jan 22, 2020 @ 13:15:10

    Sandy Sue; you are a national (no, INTERNATIONAL) TREASURE and should be crowned the Queen of BiPol Experiences! HoleyMoley, this woman can write! Even when you’re ill and suffering, you write better than most of us on a good day.
    I admire you greatly and wish you that the pointed-hat-porter guides you to the right place in good time. May your cold and flu and Grey be passing now and may the beacon of light and sandwiches hold you in force and good (better) cheer!
    Sending you lots of love and thoughts of strength.


  3. Catherine Cheng, MD
    Jan 23, 2020 @ 00:34:34



  4. Writer Lori
    Jan 23, 2020 @ 07:05:45

    Hoping you make your way out of the grey soon, Sandy. You are a resilient spirit and your cadre of supporters is strong. We are with you! 😘


  5. Littlesundog
    Jan 26, 2020 @ 11:35:38

    Every year this time, when you come down with some kind of ailment, I’m always tempted to go east to gather you and Emmett and bring you here to heal. Pointy hats are always welcome… you’re even welcome to the broom I keep outside the front door, just in case you decide to go for a fly.


    • Sandy Sue
      Jan 26, 2020 @ 16:11:29

      That is darn sweet, Lori. Actually, I haven’t had serious lung crud since I moved—just the occasional sniffle and this flu. Different allergens, I guess.


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