Void

Slowly, over the past several months, the desire to make dribbled out of me until yesterday I couldn’t stand to snip one more little piece of paper.  After an SOS to my art friends, they reassured me that this happens to them, too.  They suggested changing mediums, lying fallow for a time, or taking up something radically different.

I started a drawing class at our local art guild, hoping for social contact and a reconnect of some kind with an old skill that I used to love.  Neither wish has been granted so far, despite sweaty effort to clear a path through my mental minefields.

I’m frightened.  Arting is my last, best safety net, the place I can always go when the bipolar demons scream the loudest.  It’s gone for now, and I can’t imagine what to do with this void or how I’ll manage.

I’m bone and brain tired, so I know enough not to make more of this than it is.  Something will present itself.  There’s plenty of room for it to wander in.  Until then, I guess I wait with empty hands.

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kiki
    Sep 30, 2019 @ 11:47:23

    Sandy, sadly I have nothing to suggest. But your talents and knowledge will always shine through and they’ll come in again when their time has come. Thinking of you and wishing you courage, strength and goodwill. And, mind you, we are ALL scared when our safety nets fall aside….

    Reply

    • Sandy Sue
      Sep 30, 2019 @ 16:35:50

      Best encouragement ever. There’s no fixing this.

      Reply

      • Kiki
        Oct 03, 2019 @ 08:55:56

        Sending you much LOVE and good thoughts from my heart to yours! Be kind to yourself, ride it out, we must learn to love ourselves (which has nothing to do with egoism!!!), NOT feel inferior, maybe as we would be towards a child or a pet, a little indulgent. Don’t hate yourself – don’t give your state the power to rule you – I also send you patience and strength, dear friend. Hugs from France & Switzerland

      • Sandy Sue
        Oct 03, 2019 @ 12:43:28

        Receiving all that good juju.

  2. jinjerstanton
    Sep 30, 2019 @ 16:19:28

    As to a different medium, have you considered cold porcelain. Or something else 3-D? There is papier-mâché, and of course, most revolutionary, actual clay. Maybe there’s a studio near you.

    Reply

  3. Writer Lori
    Oct 01, 2019 @ 05:17:36

    Ahhh, Sandy, like Kiki I fear I can bring nothing to the table aside from a deep-seated belief that you truly have a gift. It is deeply disturbing when one’s creative muse goes AWOL, but she’ll be back, I firmly believe that. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself and know that there are many hearts holding you close.

    Reply

    • Sandy Sue
      Oct 01, 2019 @ 05:51:31

      My sister told me yesterday that she was so excited about all the people on FaceBook who wanted to fix me (I posted this there, too), because she still wants to fix me, even though she knows that’s not helpful. I really understand that need. AND it’s such a gift when friends like you and Kiki are able to just stand with me. To say you hear me or see me is all I need.

      Reply

  4. Writer Lori
    Oct 02, 2019 @ 07:09:52

    💕💕

    Reply

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