A Spot of Coppery Sunshine in a Gray Sky

It was a hard morning—one where the amphetamine doesn’t work and suicidal thoughts fill my empty cup.  I tried arting at the Starbucks in Tulsa, but couldn’t summon any interest, so started home sooner than expected.

As I drove I remembered that I’d dreamt about Barack and Michelle Obama two nights in a row.  In the dreams, I was happy,  hopeful, and part of a positive flow.  I thought, “Okay, this is where I need to take my brain today.”

As the negative images resurfaced, I summoned President Obama’s cheerful face, talking to me like a friend.  I felt the lightness of my dream-heart and the sense of rightness.

This spot of brightness in my gray morning reminded me of a project I’m working on—making sets of tiny Penny Positives like the ones I make each year for my friend Sarah.  I found tiny plastic sleeves to keep them protected and little paper mâché boxes that a set of 50 will fit into.  I planned to label the boxes “Penny Positives: A Spot of Coppery Sunshine for a Gray Sky.”

I also remembered that I’d sent both President Obama and President Carter Gratitude Postcards last week, telling them how much hope they add to my life.  I’m thinking I will spend time this afternoon making a new Gratitude List.  Maybe more people on that list will seep into my dreams, which might give my brain additional hopeful rest stops.

I’m better now—tired and slow-witted, but that part of depression isn’t nearly as frightening or dangerous as the Black Thoughts.  There’s a sense of being more skilled than my Black Thoughts let me believe, and there’s gratitude for that.

This Bipolar Highway is never-ending and ever-changing.  It seems like I’m being called to build more Comfort Stations now.  And the more I can build, the longer the Adventure continues.

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Robert@69
    Sep 18, 2019 @ 23:25:10

    the wife and i will soon have a cozy comfort station spot available to you and any companions travelling through a Colorado star light night.

    Your practice is as amazing Sandy Sue. And I too have been having more dark thoughts and I sense the entire country is also. Trump is a dark Lord and we need a Hans Solo. In the meantime memories of Obama and lighter times feels to me like a perfect way to cast off the blimpies and snottergrotte of nasty slime that trump begats.

    Ever heard this song by Van Morrison? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuKHzh4zkMM


    • Sandy Sue
      Sep 19, 2019 @ 07:34:23

      That was a perfect song, Robert. You and Van Morrison—I still have your CD in my car. Someday it will take me your way again, but I’m committed to not traveling while Emmett lives as he needs special care as a geriatric cat. Someday, though, I’ll see that Colorado night sky again.


  2. Writer Lori
    Sep 19, 2019 @ 04:32:41

    Fervently hope that more ‘Comfort Stations’ present themselves in the days ahead, Sandy. Your thoughtful posts are always a spot of coppery sunshine for me, and you know how I feel about your Penny Positives! Sending good juju your way…💕


  3. Live & Learn
    Sep 21, 2019 @ 09:54:02

    So glad the dark passed Sandy.


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