Temba, His Arms Wide*

After a few days of sneaky depression, the kind of depression that makes it sensible to lie to my therapist about why I cancelled my appointment, I shoved myself out the door with my art supplies.

There’s always a point in The Black when It starts to thin, when a crack seems possible.  If I push too soon, The Black swallows me with doubt, failure, hopelessness.  I’ve learned to wait, to leave the insanity of my thoughts alone.  In The Black, waiting feels like giving up.  It’s not.  It’s just waiting.

At the coffee shop, I felt the crack.  Like a door ajar in the night, a thin line of light cut across my dark floor.  With that crack of light came a flood of gifts.  Real ones.

My friend, Sue, sent me one of her Care Packages full of Entertainment Weeklys, refrigerator magnets, a CD of her favorite show tunes and the most thoughtful piece of jewelry I’ve ever owned.  She had a necklace made from a picture of Henry.  It looks just like him.

Another friend texted to say that since I’ve always supported his music, he’s sending me an early (and secret, shhhh) CD of the songs he’s recorded so far in the studio.  I know he could be bigger than Billy Joel.

My landlord texted to say she sent my worries about the strong mold smell in my sitting room to Management.  They asked her and her husband/maintenance man to come check it out today.  I’m so relieved.  Visions of black mold have been dancing in my dreams.

An artist/teacher I met at The Muskogee Art Guild emailed me to say the drawing class I so dearly wanted to take and couldn’t afford would be covered by a scholarship.  And my friend, Sally, confirmed the date of her birthday party back in Iowa, so I can take a trip back home and take the class.

There are other gifts, but these blinded me.  Light does that when a person has been sitting in the Dark

I’m mindful of standing open-armed instead of denying or shaking off these gifts, receiving and being warmed.

I am full of color today.

*Caution: Star Trek reference.  The following YouTube bit doesn’t relate at all to this post, but I love this guy’s take on said ST:TNG reference.

13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kiki
    Feb 01, 2019 @ 12:25:55

    Sandy, I’m SO SO glad for you to have come out of the black tunnel (once more)…. In fact, although I haven’t been around blog-world much lately, I thought of you yesterday and wondered if I should go on a Sandy-Sue search!!!!!
    You know, sometimes we feel that the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train and not what we hope for. But here in this case, so many beautiful, wonderful and good things have happened to you and are happening that surely this is a positive sign for all those who love you and care for you. The necklace is so thoughtful and dear! And getting a scholarship for a drawing course!!!! How brilliant is that….
    All the best. You’ll be fine – again and again!

    Reply

  2. Writer Lori
    Feb 02, 2019 @ 04:55:56

    Wonderful to have you back, Sandy! May your little light shine for many, many days…. xo

    Reply

  3. Live & Learn
    Feb 02, 2019 @ 06:10:05

    I am full of color today. That’s GOOD! Keep it going…

    Reply

  4. Littlesundog
    Feb 02, 2019 @ 07:28:49

    I was bowled over by the gift of that necklace… it really touched my heart. So many warm and wonderful things happening for you.

    Reply

  5. Linda Schierman
    Feb 04, 2019 @ 11:40:03

    Such wonderful gifts is right! So glad to hear you get to fly back home, see good friend and that scholarship for your much-longed-for drawing class! Woowee!

    Reply

    • Sandy Sue
      Feb 05, 2019 @ 03:47:54

      Well, the trip back to Iowa won’t happen after all. Just can’t swing the cost of motels right now—moving really put me in the hole. But never mind. There is comfort in being practical!

      Reply

  6. jinjerstanton
    Feb 11, 2019 @ 12:29:23

    What a lot of wonder!

    Reply

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