My Anti-Hate Campaign…

…Or Training Myself to Grow Where I’m Planted.

In the wilting swamp of summer, with depression and agitation kicking up a Pig Pen Black Cloud, I found myself hating Oklahoma.  What I gained by moving seemed minuscule compared to what I’d lost.

Thankfully, I’ve done this work long enough to know I was not seeing the whole picture. I needed clarity.  I needed objectivity.  I needed to turn the Bipolar Bus around.

So, I started my Anti-Hate Campaign.

I pulled out a blank journal and started making A Plan—to be specific, to separate my “hates” into piles, and to brainstorm ideas on how to make changes.  I approached this journal like any other, painting and collaging the pages with care, using colors I love, letting the art of the process lead me.  Loving the journal itself encouraged me to pick it up and tackle the next phase.

I found that most of the “hates” I labeled unmanageable carried some seed of change, either in my perception or in a sideways action.  The state’s poverty and poor education system overwhelmed me, so I noodled about becoming more informed about specific problems.  I subscribed to the Tulsa World and looked for speaker forums to attend.  As other ideas come, into the journal they go.

The cooler weather brought all kinds of physical and mental relief.  I came back to ideas I’d had in April about making my duplex into a place of sanctuary and inspiration.  I rearranged my sitting room, painted and hung a screen door to be used as an Idea/Celebration Board, and found the perfect, Feng Shui-enhancing poster of Wonder Woman.

Outside, I asked permission to create a rock garden between the edge of my cement patio and the privacy wall.  I spent a satisfying day leveling ground and hauling rock, then sitting in my sister’s borrowed patio chair to enjoy the breeze and my handiwork.  Artful doo-dads and whirligigs will be added in due time.

Because of my journal and texts with my friend, Cheryl, I realized that hating where I live is just another bipolar symptom.  Anger, agitation and loathing rise up and attach themselves to whatever is handy.  An unfamiliar, uncomfortable place is a perfect target.  As I continue to do this Work of shifting perception and turning toward joy, I will learn to recognize that symptom sooner and take steps to be gentle with it.

And I will feel my roots growing deeper into Oklahoma’s red earth.

10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Catherine Cheng, MD
    Nov 04, 2018 @ 12:49:10

    Sandy Sue, I don’t just like this post, I LOVE LOVE it!! Your capacity for holding space and practicing self-reflection, self-compassion, and honesty inspires and leads me. I so relate to the idea of “Anger, agitation and loathing rise up and attach themselves to whatever is handy.” For me it usually attaches to one thing, over and over again, and it *still* takes me a while to notice! Ah well, we’re all here to learn, no? And the lessons revisit us as long as we need, I guess? And each episode of learning is a deepening, another layer of integration? Thank you for sharing your experience and your evolution. Peace to you.

    Reply

  2. Val Boyko
    Nov 04, 2018 @ 13:17:45

    Our resistance to change can be so powerful…. and disempowering. I like how you are approaching the turnaround and taking control of what you can Sandy Sue ❣️

    Reply

  3. Trackback: My Anti-Hate Campaign… — A Mind Divided | Ups and Downs of Family History V2.0
  4. Rev Marshall Wright
    Nov 04, 2018 @ 13:58:04

    OK, I’ll confess to not being clear about why you moved. Fess up !!

    Reply

  5. Live & Learn
    Nov 04, 2018 @ 16:21:43

    Count me in to join you Friend.

    Reply

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