It feels like I haven’t blogged in a long time, but I see that’s just not true (Hello, distorted thinking!). Maybe the disconnect comes from playing Marco Polo with some of my friends back in Iowa and Minnesota. If you’re not familiar, MP is a messaging app that creates little videos. It was my friend, Cheryl’s, genius idea to use it, so that we could see and hear each other while giving updates.
I’ve taken my buddies to the Flea Market and introduced them to the baristas at my new coffee shop-home. They’ve toured my duplex and The Peach Barn (Fried Pies!). Most importantly, I’ve shared the ups and downs of my illness as my rheostats rebooted after the electrical surge of moving. That’s something I’ve only done here in my blog, where words can be safely crafted and kept separate from a voice and face that feel too vulnerable to share.
In real-time, I try not to unload when my moods deep-cycle. I might mention it in passing, or say “I’m having a hard day.” Right or wrong, I believe too much truth will break the people I love. And I can’t bear the uncomfortable silence or awkward attempts at sympathy that usually follow.
But, I needed support. I needed to be real. So, there were blubbery posts, and manic posts, and little videos where I looked and sounded like a zombie. No one ran screaming into the night. No one shamed me. In fact, the love and support that flowed back to me helped more than I can say. I thank my friends for that. Thank you, guys.
It’s still weird, living here on the Moon, where huge fireworks displays light up every front yard on the Fourth of July, and fried bologna sandwiches are a restaurant menu item. But, when I wake in the morning, and the first thought that floats up out of the dark is I’ve made a huge mistake, I can gather more and more evidence to the contrary and send that distorted thought packing. It still has to shuffle off into 100 degree and 90-something percent humidity, but shuffle off it does. All I need do is shut the door and whisper, …Polo.
SandySue Altered
Jul 09, 2018 @ 17:50:55
I really appreciate your blog posts, Sandy. Not only are you genuine and brave, you happen to be a mighty fine wordsmith, too.
Jul 09, 2018 @ 22:00:18
Gosh, thanks. This is a big tool in my mental health workshop. I write first for me and just hope I don’t send anyone off a cliff. One never knows…
Jul 09, 2018 @ 19:24:37
Still LAUGHING, at your close. So good!
Jul 09, 2018 @ 21:56:34
Awww. Thanks, buddy.
Jul 10, 2018 @ 07:34:47
I think you are SO BRAVE, Sandy. I’m looking down the barrel of a move and it all feels quite overwhelming, so give yourself a shout out for making such a big life shift. I love your candor and your willingness to step into the breach and I’m so glad that you feel able to share with us here. A story that I heard on NPR this morning sprang to mind when I read your post. It was about the ways in which interacting with someone from a different culture can enhance one’s creativity. I think moving to a new part of the country can feel like encountering another culture, so it seems apt. Here’s the link in case you’re interested….
https://n.pr/2ujKkNe
Hang in there!!!
Jul 10, 2018 @ 11:03:41
Under the bipolar ness, I know I’m okay. Basic needs are met, so everything else is gravy. I can always come back to that truth when I’m spinning.
Let me know when/where you land!
Jul 16, 2018 @ 22:48:54
I’ve been offline for a while, but I was thinking about you, Sandy, I was hoping you were doing OK with your move.
Jul 18, 2018 @ 08:23:32
Hope all is well, Peg.
Jul 17, 2018 @ 14:15:00
I love Marco Polo! Life gets so busy, plus I have friends in a couple different states, so it keeps us together, and I have shared with them my own struggles with infertility and anxiety. It’s hard but really helps. I appreciate you sharing this on here as well; it makes me feel a little less alone.
Jul 18, 2018 @ 08:23:00
I thought it sounded dumb when my friend suggested it, but I love how creating the vids lift me up as much as getting them.
Jul 19, 2018 @ 13:55:23
Whoops! I forgot to tell you about fried bologna sandwiches and redneck fireworks! Now I think of so many things I should have prepared you for… but then, maybe not. No one prepared me either… and I love this place now. Too much information will skeer the tar outta ya!
Jul 26, 2018 @ 08:01:47
😀