To Boldly Go

Split infinitive.

You’d think Gene Roddenberry would have known better.

Still, Bill Shatner could Shakespearize anything, even bad grammar.

But I digress.

Boldly going, I’m moving to Oklahoma.

My sister and I started talking about it when I visited her there over Christmas.  We let it sit a while to see if it was just holiday cheer and wishful thinking, then decided the plan had legs.  What really put shoes on those legs, though, was my brother’s offer to support me enough to live somewhere other than subsidized housing.

It’s been a shock, really, to be given this unconditional support, to know that my siblings are with me, to come to understand that I am not alone.  We didn’t grow up this way, you see.  Grand generosity was never our family’s forté.  Small gifts, yes.  Limited support with strings, yes. Pull up your big girl panties and stand on your own two feet lectures, yes.  This level of largess requires a complete brain dump and reboot.  What I thought I knew as truth isn’t.

I’m also struggling with the urge to hide in my apartment until it’s time to move.  I can feel myself disengaging from my life here, from both difficult and delightful relationships, from the activities that fill this life.  All the reasons I want and need to leave this place rear up like trained elephants, trumpeting and rolling wild eyes at me.

But I have a trip to Taos at the end of February, to make art with friends and breathe in the mountains of the West.  I want to enjoy that trip.  And I know I will need time afterward for my brain to do what it does with change and stress.  It will be well into spring before I leave this little apartment that I’ve worked so hard to make into a Nest.  I need to stay present and grounded in now, take care of my friendships, do the work in front of me each day.

In the meantime, my sister is in High Research Mode, talking to her realtor friends and sussing out neighborhoods.  In a month or so, she’ll start looking at places for me to rent.  She has my Must Have list (I have several lists going—that’s one way to keep the Greener Pastures Gremlins from taking over).

Transition is always a challenge, as is stress.  Even good stress.  So, while I do the work in front of me, I must also Do My Work.  Be kind, gentle and generous with myself.  Allow the terrified elephants a chance to walk on four feet and sing themselves to sleep.

Because (all together now), I’m on an Adventure.

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23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Littlesundog
    Jan 21, 2018 @ 11:15:45

    Well… you had me at, “Boldly going, I’m moving to Oklahoma.” I jumped for joy with a giant shout of “WOOT!! YES!!” which brought Forrest into the room saying, “What the hell is going on in here?”

    I am so excited for you. It’s wonderful how your family is working to help make this happen. I think of that loving nephew of yours too. Your family has your back – what a great thing to know. And I’m not that far away. I’m just SO excited! 🙂

    Reply

  2. jinjerstanton
    Jan 21, 2018 @ 12:23:27

    Wow! What an amazing challenge! I do kinda think challenge helps you focus. Blessings on your journeys, Sweet Thing.

    Reply

  3. Val Boyko
    Jan 21, 2018 @ 13:22:27

    Captain Kirk would be so proud of you Sandy❣️

    Reply

  4. Nancy Plagman
    Jan 21, 2018 @ 14:09:48

    Wow, what an adventure…..keep me posted. Let’s Do lunch sometime when you are in Des Moines. I Think it is great to have family close. Nancy

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Reply

  5. Dave Proudfit
    Jan 21, 2018 @ 14:59:23

    Pulling for you!!

    Reply

  6. David Kanigan
    Jan 21, 2018 @ 19:25:47

    Wow. Good for you Sandy.

    Reply

  7. Kitt O'Malley
    Jan 22, 2018 @ 00:30:58

    Wonderful that your siblings are so supportive and loving. Wish you the best on your move. Takes me about a year to overcome depression after moves.

    Reply

  8. Writer Lori
    Jan 22, 2018 @ 03:51:57

    That’s terrific news, Sandy! So happy for you. Change, even when good, is unnerving, so glad that you’re being gentle with yourself. We, too, are contemplating a move to be closer to family. Nice to be near the ones you love…

    Reply

  9. pegoleg
    Jan 22, 2018 @ 11:20:13

    Wow, what a bold move indeed! How brave of you to make this leap of faith. 🙂

    Reply

  10. Elaine GREEN
    Jan 30, 2018 @ 09:39:03

    BRAVO!!!!!’ Am so happy and relieved that your support team is in place ! I can also ‘feel’ the relief you must be experiencing. Sending lots of love and peace and joy!!! Laney

    Sent from my iPhone

    Reply

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