What Fresh Madness Is This?

I wanted to post something today, a little bit of art that might reflect the bipolarness of my now.  Not words.  Words feel acidic and tiresome in my head.

But I couldn’t find anything that I haven’t posted before—heads popping open with weirdness, lonely figures wandering in the Disconnect, wild jumbles of frantic images.  So I had to make it.

It’s almost 4:00 now.  I’ve been working on this card since 10:30 this morning.  Bathroom breaks.  Cat-watering breaks.  Little else.  I can feel that I’m hungry.  I know I need to take a shower (it’s been a couple of days).  But I look into this young girl’s face and fall into it.  The original didn’t have sleep-deprived eyes.  Those are mine.

I look at this young girl and feel her looking back.  We know.  We know the green monsters, and bitey teeth, and staring eyes, and nightmares that stick to our backs like tar.  We hold ourselves very still, because the madness feels new even though we know it is not.  We hold ourselves very still, because part of us believes a shift will come, a swing.  We will travel to a different place on our spectrum that will also feel new, but is not.

She knows there really is no Fresh Madness, just forgetting the feel of the Old Madness.  There are so many kinds, so many permutations.  Our brains, so clever in their Cooking Arts, never use the same recipe twice.  Or do they?  We forget.

Words start to dissolve and puddle, the brain-acid bubbling.

Shower.

Food.

Now.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Catherine Cheng, MD
    Jun 22, 2017 @ 16:17:23

    Sandy Sue, these are excellent words for a post that’s not words.
    Sending peace and love.

    Reply

  2. Nan Mykel
    Jun 22, 2017 @ 23:50:13

    Great collage. In my experience, a collage can be a personification of our reality at a moment but ever after one can re-connect with that reality. It’s kind of reassuring that you’re still you. Does this make any sense?

    Reply

  3. kmoore200
    Jun 23, 2017 @ 08:52:06

    Sandy Sue, your post is powerful, a picture I can’t fully see. Thank you for sharing it. Peace to you.

    Reply

  4. pegoleg
    Jun 23, 2017 @ 12:37:34

    Oh, sweetie. I wish this suckiness wasn’t on your daily menu. Thank you for writing and sharing so powerfully.

    Reply

    • Sandy Sue
      Jun 24, 2017 @ 05:29:04

      I worry sometimes about sharing the Dark. Without some kind of hope attached to it, I’m afraid it’s just whingeing. And then, sometimes, it’s just too weird not to share. Sigh.

      Reply

  5. David Kanigan
    Jun 23, 2017 @ 14:36:37

    You manage, with your words, to put us in your head. What a talent you have. May you find sleep and peace. NOW.

    Reply

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