A Mind Divided

In the continuing effort to make my apartment a spiritual and creative Haven, I’m concentrating on my bedroom this summer.  I fixed up and painted an old dresser when I first moved in.  Now that I have my Dad’s nice chest of drawers, that pretty piece of crap got carted to Goodwill.  I also pruned a ton of esoteric reading from my Past Life, so another falling-apart bookcase will soon go as well.  And the old magazine rack/end tables I used as night stands are also on their way out.

Five Years of Journals

I tossed my spiral notebook journals yesterday.  I had thought I would use some of the pages as art background, but I realized there was too much pain, misery and confusion captured there.  Why would I use something so disheartening in an activity that brings me such joy?

Journaling is a process for me, a way to See the lies my brain tells me and to release the emotional steam in my physical pressure cooker.  I don’t need to keep the details of my day—I won’t remember them.  Electroshock created a tidy black hole where my memory used to be.  Eventually, everything slides over the Event Horizon.  I was given the gift of living in the moment.

So when I read about my past, I can’t connect to the words.  At best, a fuzzy snippet, a dream-like shadow, might dislodge from the Void.  It’s enough to remind me of what I’ve lost.  And, again, why would I do that to myself?

So, into the dumpster they went.

I’m pulling everything off my bedroom walls, cleaning and patching holes.  Soon, I’ll paint, then shampoo the carpet.  I found a sweet cabinet and a set of night stands at Ikea that will boost the feminine, dreamy quality I’m creating.

Of course, my Romance Wall will be reconfigured as will all my Pretend Boyfriends.

I knew I needed a peaceful, calming image across from the bed, and found the perfect piece when my friend, Robert, posted some of his new photographs.  A large print of Blue Astor is forthcoming.

http://pin.it/2xJbINW

I’m looking forward to making my bedroom as clean, efficient and lovely as the rest of my apartment.  In the meantime, I have all these books to get rid of.  Below is the list.  If you’re interested in any of them, leave your address in a comment (it won’t go public), and I’ll send the books you want.

Oops! Too Late!  Taken to the Library on 7/21.  But you can still see what you missed.

1. A Treasury of the World’s Best Loved Poems (no editor listed. Avenel Books, a division of Crown)
2. Almaas, A.H., Diamond Heart, Book One
3. Armstrong, Karen, A History of God
4. Bennett, J.G., Deeper Man
5. Broch, Janice & Veronica MacLer, Seasonal Dance: How to Celebrate the Pagan Year
6. Cameron, Julia, The Vein of Gold: A Journey to Your Creative Heart
7. —Walking in This World: The Practical Art of Creativity
8. Cooper, J.C., The Aquarian Dictionary of Festivals
9. Dacyczyn, Amy, The Tightwad Gazette: Promoting Thrift as a Viable Alternative Lifestyle
10. Dahlke, Rudiger, Mandalas of the World: A Meditating and Painting Guide
11. Damasio, Antonio, The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness
12. Dickinson, Emily, Final Harvest
13. Estes, Clarissa Pinkola, Women Who Run With the Wolves
14. Farrar, Janet and Stewart, A Witches Bible Complete
15. Ferguson, Diana, The Magickal Year: A Pagan Perspective on the Natural World
16. Ganim, Barbara, Art and Healing: Using Expressive Art to Heal your Body, Mind, and Spirit
17. Gearhart, Sally and Susan Rennie, A Feminist Tarot
18. George, David L., Ed., The Family Book of Best Loved Poems
19. Knight, Gareth, The Secret Tradition in Arthurian Legend
20. Kramer, Gregory, Insight Dialogue
21. Linden, Eugene, The Parrot’s Lament: And Other True Tales of Animal Intrigue, Intelligence and Ingenuity
22. Moore, Thomas, Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship
23. Murdock, Maureen, The Heroine’s Journey
24. Pearsall, Paul, The Heart’s Code
25. Pearson, Carol, Awakening the Heroes Within
26. Phelps, Kimberly Lilith, McMillian, Teresa and With, Barbara Lee, Diaries of a Psychic Sorority: Talking with the Angels
27. Rilke, Rainer Maria, Selected Poems
28. Rinpoche, Sogyal, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
29. Robbins, Rossell Hope, Encyclopedia of Witchcraft and Demons
30. Ruiz, Don Miguel, The Mastery of Love
31. —The Voice of Knowledge
32. Silverstein, Shel, The Giving Tree
33. Stewart, R.J., Celtic Myths, Celtic Legends
34. Tart, Charles, Waking Up
35. —Living the Mindful Life
36. Thich Nhat Hanh, Teachings on Love
37. —Present Moment Wonderful Moment
38. —Peace is Every Step
39. Vaughn, Frances, The Inward Arc