In the continuing effort to make my apartment a spiritual and creative Haven, I’m concentrating on my bedroom this summer. I fixed up and painted an old dresser when I first moved in. Now that I have my Dad’s nice chest of drawers, that pretty piece of crap got carted to Goodwill. I also pruned a ton of esoteric reading from my Past Life, so another falling-apart bookcase will soon go as well. And the old magazine rack/end tables I used as night stands are also on their way out.
I tossed my spiral notebook journals yesterday. I had thought I would use some of the pages as art background, but I realized there was too much pain, misery and confusion captured there. Why would I use something so disheartening in an activity that brings me such joy?
Journaling is a process for me, a way to See the lies my brain tells me and to release the emotional steam in my physical pressure cooker. I don’t need to keep the details of my day—I won’t remember them. Electroshock created a tidy black hole where my memory used to be. Eventually, everything slides over the Event Horizon. I was given the gift of living in the moment.
So when I read about my past, I can’t connect to the words. At best, a fuzzy snippet, a dream-like shadow, might dislodge from the Void. It’s enough to remind me of what I’ve lost. And, again, why would I do that to myself?
So, into the dumpster they went.
I’m pulling everything off my bedroom walls, cleaning and patching holes. Soon, I’ll paint, then shampoo the carpet. I found a sweet cabinet and a set of night stands at Ikea that will boost the feminine, dreamy quality I’m creating.
Of course, my Romance Wall will be reconfigured as will all my Pretend Boyfriends.
I knew I needed a peaceful, calming image across from the bed, and found the perfect piece when my friend, Robert, posted some of his new photographs. A large print of Blue Astor is forthcoming.
I’m looking forward to making my bedroom as clean, efficient and lovely as the rest of my apartment. In the meantime, I have all these books to get rid of. Below is the list. If you’re interested in any of them, leave your address in a comment (it won’t go public), and I’ll send the books you want.
Oops! Too Late! Taken to the Library on 7/21. But you can still see what you missed.
- A Treasury of the World’s Best Loved Poems (no editor listed. Avenel Books, a division of Crown)
- Almaas, A.H., Diamond Heart, Book One
- Armstrong, Karen, A History of God
- Bennett, J.G., Deeper Man
- Broch, Janice & Veronica MacLer, Seasonal Dance: How to Celebrate the Pagan Year
- Cameron, Julia, The Vein of Gold: A Journey to Your Creative Heart
- —Walking in This World: The Practical Art of Creativity
- Cooper, J.C., The Aquarian Dictionary of Festivals
- Dacyczyn, Amy, The Tightwad Gazette: Promoting Thrift as a Viable Alternative Lifestyle
- Dahlke, Rudiger, Mandalas of the World: A Meditating and Painting Guide
- Damasio, Antonio, The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness
- Dickinson, Emily, Final Harvest
- Estes, Clarissa Pinkola, Women Who Run With the Wolves
- Farrar, Janet and Stewart, A Witches Bible Complete
- Ferguson, Diana, The Magickal Year: A Pagan Perspective on the Natural World
- Ganim, Barbara, Art and Healing: Using Expressive Art to Heal your Body, Mind, and Spirit
- Gearhart, Sally and Susan Rennie, A Feminist Tarot
- George, David L., Ed., The Family Book of Best Loved Poems
- Knight, Gareth, The Secret Tradition in Arthurian Legend
- Kramer, Gregory, Insight Dialogue
- Linden, Eugene, The Parrot’s Lament: And Other True Tales of Animal Intrigue, Intelligence and Ingenuity
- Moore, Thomas, Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship
- Murdock, Maureen, The Heroine’s Journey
- Pearsall, Paul, The Heart’s Code
- Pearson, Carol, Awakening the Heroes Within
- Phelps, Kimberly Lilith, McMillian, Teresa and With, Barbara Lee, Diaries of a Psychic Sorority: Talking with the Angels
- Rilke, Rainer Maria, Selected Poems
- Rinpoche, Sogyal, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
- Robbins, Rossell Hope, Encyclopedia of Witchcraft and Demons
- Ruiz, Don Miguel, The Mastery of Love
- —The Voice of Knowledge
- Silverstein, Shel, The Giving Tree
- Stewart, R.J., Celtic Myths, Celtic Legends
- Tart, Charles, Waking Up
- —Living the Mindful Life
- Thich Nhat Hanh, Teachings on Love
- —Present Moment Wonderful Moment
- —Peace is Every Step
- Vaughn, Frances, The Inward Arc
Jul 15, 2016 @ 19:26:39
I’m, uh, right behind you, also clearing out. Looking at a long flat heavy box (without opening it) that I KNOW contains the agony of an emotionally-messed up time/relationship from 1990! and which I now Understand. So I don’t feel any under-consciousness anxiety about throwing it out withOUT hearing me sob into a cassette or peaking at the written stuff. I will keep a photo or two to remind ME of the better alive aspects of myself that thrived beyond this that is evident in the photos. Thank you for sharing AND I love the art!
Jul 16, 2016 @ 05:02:07
Yes! That’s exactly it! The last thing we need is to revisit that horror. Continued success in Clearing!
Jul 15, 2016 @ 21:28:12
Good for you, happy cleaning and clearing the old! I would love to have the book The Essential Rumi. You could bring it some time you are in Des Moines.
Jul 16, 2016 @ 05:00:27
It’s yours!
Jul 16, 2016 @ 06:48:58
Sandy, sounds like you will be busy. You are such an inspiration. I would be interested in The Selfish Gene and The Prophet. I can pick them up sometime. Stay well and take great care.
Jul 16, 2016 @ 08:10:22
Yahoo! They are YOURS!
Jul 16, 2016 @ 06:49:00
I just found two of my old journals and they are exactly like yours. I’m going to write down the things I need to know (like meds I’ve been on) and pitch them, too. You have inspired me!
I love the Haven piece at the top!
Jul 16, 2016 @ 08:10:02
Once I figured out the ACT of journaling is the most important part, the rest was easier. Thanks, Leslie.
Jul 16, 2016 @ 16:03:27
Action. That is the main factor I’m paying attention to. The Act of whatever is the transforming thing, not having the physical process stuck in a closet forever to remind me what I “learned”. 🙂
Jul 16, 2016 @ 13:42:03
Wow — even though I never reread them,I still can’t imagine getting rid of the old journals (22 years worth and counting), but it sure would clear up a lot of space! Good for both of you, getting clear about what you need and what you DON’T — and then getting to the clearing. 🙂
Jul 16, 2016 @ 15:02:31
I have a history of “purging” when I get manic, so I sat on all this for a few days. My ex was a hoarder, so… well… yeah.
Jul 16, 2016 @ 11:24:16
I love that you are transforming your external environment to align with your internal transformation. Love those blue asters too Sandy!
Jul 16, 2016 @ 15:02:59
Isn’t that a gorgeous shot? Robert does amazing work.
Jul 16, 2016 @ 18:11:11
Hello, i would live to have 11,16 and 26, If they are still available.
Good for you for the purge!! I have a fer boxes of old letters that I still don’t throw away, but your blog motivates me!!!
Jul 16, 2016 @ 19:17:10
Yes, they are available. Please reply to this with your address. I won’t make it public.
FYI, I will only ship within the United States.