Westward Ho! Day 12

Golden Valley, AZ (9:00 AM Pacific) to Durango, CO (6:30 PM Mountain).  469 miles.
Notables: (for singing loud) Wailin’ Jennys Live

IMG_0264 (1)So much for good intentions.

Melanie, my host in Golden Valley, lassoed me as I was loading the car, and we ended up gabbing for an hour in a sort of open-air living room;  old couch, recliner, and side table under a trellis in the front yard.  Magnificent view and another magical connection.

I cut loose before she could give me a tour of the property, though.  Like Mr. Frost, I had promises to keep.  And miles to go before I sleep.  Miles to go before I sleep.

So off I went across Arizona, through Hopi, Navajo and Ute land. There, buttes and mesas dominate; brick-red sedimentary formations.  Sometimes ponies pastured on top of them, which made for an unbelievably cinematic silhouette against the cloudy sky.

MV_dramatic_sky_jan_2011I spent most of the day on a two-lane highway with no rest stops and long patches of nothing between gas stations.  We women of a certain age don’t do well without regular “rest” stops.  Luckily, I grew up on a farm and knew how to duck into a cow path off the road.  Some skills never die.

I had texted my friend, Robert, and my Durango hosts about being late.  Robert said not to worry.  I never heard back from my hosts.  So, when I got to their drive, and the gate was chained and locked, I fretted.  Soon, Ginger drove down the lane toward me.  They thought I was coming the next night.  What worried me even more was that Robert said the same thing; he thought I was coming the next day and couldn’t have dinner with me tonight.

Did I get my dates mixed up?  It would have been so easy to do with all these B&Bs to keep straight.  I had a text exchange with my sister earlier in the day, and she noted that I didn’t give myself much down-time or slack in my schedule.  True.  And no place for fuck-ups.

All this really threw me.  Even though Robert and I made plans to meet for coffee tomorrow morning, even though Ginger apologized and said they’d looked at their AirBNB calendar wrong, I had to sit in my car for a while and bawl.

I know I’m tired, which makes me more reactive.  It also makes me more rigid (Go With The Flow went).  I felt choked by disappointment and embarrassed by weeping in front of strangers.  And really bipolar.

A teensy part of me watched all of it happen.  That part cooked Ramen noodles.  That part talked to Ginger and Phil about their old dog, Zeke.  That part took a deep breath and held the exhaustion tenderly.  That part of me is okay.

It’s getting bigger by the minute, that teensy part.  Pretty soon, all of me will be okay.


And still.

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Carolyn Page
    Apr 08, 2016 @ 05:33:15

    Little by little it returns! 😉
    Exhaustion is such a mean, nasty place to be. A good sleep, and a little more rest, and there you are again… whole.!
    Here’s to ‘getting back on the road again…’ 🙂


  2. Catherine Cheng, MD
    Apr 08, 2016 @ 07:44:30

    ❤️ Again, still, always. 😘


  3. Cheryl LaVille
    Apr 08, 2016 @ 08:35:26

    Snafus are never fun to untangle. Sorry that happened. I hope you ironed it all out and had a good night’s sleep. The countryside looks soothing!


    • Sandy Sue
      Apr 08, 2016 @ 19:45:56

      This was the only time I’ve felt uncomfortable at a B&B. We just got off on the wrong foot and never really recovered. So, I was glad to pack up and get out of there this morning.


  4. Elaine GREEN
    Apr 08, 2016 @ 08:45:03

    I believe you are the bravest woman I have ever known.. sending love.. and lots of it laney


  5. Leslie
    Apr 08, 2016 @ 14:27:08

    I’m sorry you got yourself turned around. I can’t imagine how you are keeping all of this straight, it seems like you have been on the road for forever! I never would have gotten this far without crying.


    • Sandy Sue
      Apr 08, 2016 @ 19:43:32

      Because our mom trained my sibs and me to be VERY organized (shall we say freakishly so?), it’s earth-shattering when I’m not. Well, it used to be. When I lost my mind to BP, lots of details fell through those cracks. I’m not nearly as gnat’s ass picky as I used to be. It pops up in times like these, when there are lots of details, schedules, self-imposed rules. It was really good for me to melt down and let some of that tension go.


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