It seems almost sacrilegious to not have any drama in my life. I’ve even lost count of how many weeks I’ve been symptom-free—six or more I’m thinking. And to not worry about what I eat, or even think very much about food. It’s that darn Vyvanse! Not only does it curb my binge eating, but has kept my mood at this nice, even place with a clear mind and plenty of energy. What the Hell?
Winter is still the real test for this magic pill. But even if my mood is a little better than usual this season, it will still be magic.
So, if I’m not constantly managing my illness, if I’m not on alert for distorted thinking and the Big Fat Liar in my head, if I’m not The Bipolar Bad-Ass Warrior, who the heck am I?
Honestly, I have no idea. Survival has been my entire existence for the past ten years. It has changed me, honed me, made me fierce in ways I never expected. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago.
I like this version of me. I like it a lot.
That has to be the biggest miracle of all.
The Adventure Continues!
SandySue Altered
Oct 18, 2015 @ 05:48:52
Good for you. I need some of that binge eating curbing medication.
Oct 20, 2015 @ 18:41:09
I hate to think what speed would do to your sleep. Yikes.
Oct 20, 2015 @ 19:09:17
me too!
Oct 18, 2015 @ 09:52:39
I love this
Oct 20, 2015 @ 18:40:37
Me too also.
Oct 18, 2015 @ 11:01:51
This is monumental.
Oct 20, 2015 @ 18:40:18
It is. Beyond my kin.
Oct 18, 2015 @ 17:45:56
I like Vyvanse for Binge eating. Now that I’m half way to diabetes, it truly can not continue to happen or I”ll get sick. I’m still young. I don’t want diabetes type two..My mood has been good too. Really productive. Making videos for international bipolar foundation on that nasty side effect of Tardive Dyskinesia that I picked up from high doses of Geodon. The worst. Talk about survival. I had trouble sleeping and started drinking again. That’s how bad THAT got.
Oct 20, 2015 @ 18:39:48
Oh, horrors. When I was in nursing school and did the psych rotation, the folks with Tardive Dyskinesia scared the crap out of me. I knew there was always a chance that could happen to me, and I was always watching for the first sign. I’m so sorry that’s part of your story. I hope Vyvanse works miracles for you.
Oct 19, 2015 @ 12:28:34
Yeah! Here’s to 6 more weeks of the same. Then another 6, then another 6, then…
Oct 20, 2015 @ 18:36:43
Oh, yes, please.
Oct 19, 2015 @ 12:51:17
YAY! Congratulations on feeling well. That’s really great. I can’t imagine how good it must feel to feel good.
I also wonder who I am under all this bipolar bullshit. I think it makes us stronger.
Oct 20, 2015 @ 18:36:25
Thanks, Leslie. I still think it’s too soon to celebrate (we get jaded about drugs, don’t we?), but I’m hoping—and THAT’S new. And yes, what doesn’t kill us makes us a Bad-Ass.
Oct 21, 2015 @ 09:41:40
Yes, we get very jaded. Hope is about all we have when we are med-resistant. So, I’m hoping for you ❤
Oct 22, 2015 @ 06:31:19
What lovely, generous words. Thank you, Leslie.
Oct 20, 2015 @ 14:21:45
Congrats! I hope you continue to feel this good throughout winter and far beyond!
Oct 20, 2015 @ 18:35:05
Thanks so much. I don’t trust it yet. We’ll see.
Oct 21, 2015 @ 13:25:46
I am so pleased for you! Having recently reached a similar point in my own life (“who the heck am I, if I am not me-fighting-the-sickness?”), I know how foundation-shifting this is. And the labor required — both to reach this point, and to be able to appreciate it.
(“I like this version of me. I like it a lot.” This. Is. EVERYTHING.)
Oct 22, 2015 @ 06:30:11
It’s hard not to be jaded, distrustful of anything smacking of happiness or pleasure. I’m working hard at just being.
Oct 22, 2015 @ 07:18:41
I get it. “Being” is plenty, all by itself.
Oct 21, 2015 @ 14:14:33
You Rock! We love you and are so proud of where you are today! Sending all our love and positive energy!
Duane & Jim
Oct 22, 2015 @ 06:28:58
Thank you, my darlings.
Oct 23, 2015 @ 17:13:46
Isn’t this a rather strange place to be? We don’t often think past what we have spent a lifetime engaged in, and when something changes and we maintain a good even keel, we still can’t quite believe it can last. I think your decision to “just be” is a good one. I say hang onto the happiness and keep that Bad Ass along for the ride. 🙂
Oct 27, 2015 @ 10:16:31
It takes a minute to switch personas. Happiness generates a trust and ease that isn’t part of the Bad-Ass. She’s on high-alert and ready to enforce boundaries. I trip over myself going back and forth. I guess this is a new dance I need to learn.