I Think We Need a Bigger Boat

boatI found out today that my therapist and the nurse practitioner who provides my medication supervision are leaving to start a private practice of their own near Des Moines.

If you’re in the mental health delivery system, you’ve probably experienced this kind of trauma.  It takes years of searching to find a therapist who gets you, to find a psychiatrist or NP who works with you, only to have them leave, or the clinic closes, or whatever kind of insurance you have doesn’t work anymore.  The most essential piece of your recovery drops out of existence.  So you flounder, and in that vulnerable state, have to start searching all over again.

I’m lucky in that they will only be an hour away.  After talking with my therapist today, my plan is to stick with them if they can get Medicaid-certified.  Lots of “ifs.”  So, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal.  Except it is.

I hate how stuff like this confounds and unmoors me.  Even with a solution in sight, I feel hysteria crawling up my throat.  Just when my support system seemed to be jelling, just when it seemed safe to go back in the water…

I have to watch my catastrophizing—I see sharks when it might just be tuna.  I have to keep breathing.  I have to remember I’ll be fine no matter what happens.  I’ve been here before—back when my boat didn’t even have a motor.  So, I’m okay.  I just wish there wasn’t so much chum in the water around me.

bigger boat

10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cathy Campbell Currier
    May 07, 2015 @ 18:07:36

    Hey but don’t forget you’ve got your friends, the drill and vacuum at the Brew Shop and your phone. Go have a phone-gasm!!! Love you!


  2. David Kanigan
    May 07, 2015 @ 23:34:30

    It’s a tuna. It’s a tuna!


  3. pegoleg
    May 08, 2015 @ 13:02:16

    Dang! Sorry to hear this unwelcome upheaval is looming. Love the boat/Jaws metaphor.


  4. Kitt O'Malley
    May 08, 2015 @ 22:32:21

    Changes in insurance, in providers, can definitely be unmooring. I wish you the best as you navigate the changes. I hope that you can continue to see your providers, or that you can somehow “transition” to other good providers. It truly sucks when great providers leave the public sector for private practice and will not accept Medicaid or Medicare.


    • Sandy Sue
      May 09, 2015 @ 16:47:55

      Most change I can get through, but this stuff knocks the wind out of me.


      • Kitt O'Malley
        May 09, 2015 @ 17:06:45

        I know. How do they expect those of us who have MENTAL ILLNESS to cope with changes in insurance and care providers. I mean, our illness in itself makes us vulnerable to change and can limit our ability to cope with and process the changes. It’s just horrible. A mess, really.

  5. Servetus
    May 09, 2015 @ 17:31:59

    I hope it was a tuna.

    I want to thank you for this; I read it at an important time. Lately I’ve been pursuing a career that has a lot of counseling in it, and been getting very involved at work emotionally even as I’m increasingly aware that the job is not good for me personally. I found myself thinking this week, I can’t leave this job, what about [the people I’m counseling]. This post helped me realize the extent to which it really might be a problem for some of those people if I leave — and that I probably need to get out of this line of work because of that. It’s like constantly making promises to people you know you won’t be able to keep.


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