F*ck Bipolar

(Warning: F Bomb Minefield Ahead)

I woke up furious this morning.  It happens sometimes.  When I start to shift out of a long siege of depression, there’s no telling what form the sudden influx of energy will take.  Anger is a safe bet.

I could see what a wet washrag of a life I’ve had the last two months, and that lit me up.  So much hard work just to stand in place.  I railed against the shittiness of dragging around a mental illness.  I slammed into my car, grabbed coffee and journaled to bleed out the fury.

Fuckit!  Fuck being a GOOD GIRL because THAT really works for me.  Fuck being the poster girl for crazy.  [A friend] asked me yesterday if I had a goal.  The only one I could think of was “Stay Out of the Hospital.”  What kind of FUCKING goal is that?!  Is that the best this putrid hump of a life can give me?  Staying out of the hospital, being miserable, and telling myself that’s OKAY?

I’m so sick of myself and my fucking compulsions and Mom’s voice in my head and constantly PUSHINGPUSHINGPUSHING to Do the Right Thing.  Take Care of Myself.  Fuck this shadow life.  FUCK BIPOLAR!

It went on for a few more pages before I started to wind down.  You get the picture.  When I left Panera to see my therapist, I was still furious, but had a plan about how to use all that hot energy.  I decided to make some Fuck Bipolar cards (see below).

I want to give these away, so if you have bipolar disorder or love someone who rages against it, let me know.  Put your name and address in a comment (I won’t publicize it), and if you have a preference for either the boy or the girl.  I’ll send you one, because I’m making lots.

Because Fuck Bipolar.

 

F Bipolar Girl

F

F Bipolar Boy

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23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cat
    Mar 10, 2015 @ 18:18:40

    Female!

    Reply

  2. Dee Silbaugh
    Mar 10, 2015 @ 18:58:49

    Makes me wish I knew someone besides you to give one to. You have such a gift Sandy. I love when someone else uses the F word. It is one of my favorites but of course I try to use sparingly but with purpose! Love ya.

    Reply

  3. jojaplm
    Mar 10, 2015 @ 19:29:22

    Love these! Female please.
    Include your return address and I’ll make a donation for postage : )

    Reply

  4. Littlesundog
    Mar 10, 2015 @ 21:22:14

    I never have regrets dropping the F bomb. Sometimes it feels darned good! 🙂

    Reply

  5. Evonda Martin
    Mar 11, 2015 @ 00:30:58

    Exactly how I’m feeling right now! Female, please

    Reply

  6. Linda Hatfield
    Mar 11, 2015 @ 17:46:31

    The boy one. James is gone physically, but he would totally get this in Spirit, so i would like to honor him with one please!
    Love your Light!
    Linda

    Reply

  7. the secret keeper
    Mar 15, 2015 @ 18:43:20

    Bipolar has me in its control but I am fighting it always. The F word is more than frequently used in my home. Being tied up inside is too familiar a state. I keep pushing into my writing and creating. It does help and fills me up with some balance. Love your art work and your honest writing. Female. If I may be so bold.

    Reply

  8. Mioscaise
    Apr 09, 2015 @ 21:57:27

    I’m not sure if you’re still sending out cards, but if you are, I would really love one. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, and I stumbled upon your blog and it has been a very nice reminder that I’m not the only one walking this path (as cliche as that sounds). Thank you for keeping this blog.

    Reply

  9. Leslie
    Aug 05, 2015 @ 06:52:30

    Oh this is as if you are ripping pages directly from my journal. It sounds like the therapy session I had last week when she couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

    Reply

    • Sandy Sue
      Aug 05, 2015 @ 08:00:14

      I love how we all write each other’s lives. The crap we go through feels so personal, but is really shared experience. I’ll mail the card today. 🙂

      Reply

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