A Mind Divided

When it comes to functioning on a scale of 1-10, I’ve generally rated high.  But, there are days.

Function measures how a person gets daily tasks accomplished like getting out of bed, taking a shower, tackling chores.  General consensus of the treatment staff is that if a person is a 4 or under, they probably need to be admitted to the hospital.  Here’s what I’m doing to keep my Function score high.

1. Attend the After-Care support group for one month.
2. Schedule weekly appointments with my therapist
3. Continue Daily Planning
4. Monitor for symptoms of Lapse and put Step-up Plan in place

The After-Care group is an extension of what we did every day at the hospital.  It’s a combination of checking in and being held accountable.  There’s also a deep and unique understanding between peers.  We know the pain and the faulty thinking.  We know when to challenge someone and when to soothe.  There’s nothing like being with folks who “get it.”  But since this group is an hour away, I only committed to attending for four weeks.  Gas money only stretches so far, and I won’t dig myself into debt that way again.  I’m hoping for other options by the time July rolls around.

Weekly sessions with Megan, my therapist, is a no-brainer.  She goes on maternity leave soon, but carefully matched her cases to other therapists in the clinic to minimize our trauma.  I’m constantly amazed by her level of professionalism and the great respect she affords us.  I’ll miss her, but that won’t stop me from utilizing her sub.

In treatment, we made planning an art form.  Self-monitoring, setting small goals, and marking successes kept us moving forward.  It’s easy to lose track of what’s important.  I took the sheet we filled out every day, customized it for my needs, then took it to my copy shop where they made a tear-off pad that I can carry in my writing bag.  In the morning, I rip off a page, quickly fill it out, and tape it in my journal.  This way I can see my progress and where I need to concentrate my efforts.  By keeping my daily plan, I was able to recognize the depression sooner when it came back this week and watch to see if it would turn into a lapse.  With that criteria on my daily plan, I didn’t need to guess or stew about it.  And if I lapsed, I had my Step-up plan taped to my Mind Palace, ready to be put in place.  This time the mood shifted and I didn’t need the extra measures.  It was good practice, because I will need them sometimes.

Even for a planner like me, this new level of self-monitoring feels gnat’s ass-obsessive sometimes.  But, I can see how much it helps.  I can feel it.  And that’s all that matters.