Snapping Out of It

Downton MaryEveryone I know is a little discombobulated.  The holidays, the bitter cold—they’ve taken the normal way of things and dumped them, head first, in a snow bank.  It helps knowing others are slip-sliding, too, even though my befuddlement includes coming back from bronchitis and depression.  Misery loves company, as they say, but it’s not helping me find my footing any easier.

I tried streaming the first episode of Downton Abbey’s fourth season last night and found it echoed my spastic and burpy fits and starts.  Oh, this will never do!  I’m counting on the PBS online site to watch the new BBC Sherlock episodes starting on the 19th.  Since I don’t have a TV anymore and don’t subscribe to Netflix or Hulu, my options are limited.  So, as I write this, I’ve got Downton streaming on another screen, hoping that a good night’s sleep will give it the strength to play past the niggles.

Why should I care so much?  It’s just a TV show.  But it has more to do with control and expectation.  I’m at a total loss to get my eating under control, and the cold has kept me away from the gym.  My routine is hibernating, and I can’t wake it up.  The least I should be able to do is watch Downton!

I haven’t spiked a fever in almost a week and seem to be hacking less, so in spite of the -8F temp outside this morning, I’m determined to get to the Y and my swim class.  Then, I’m crossing the street to HyVee, snagging a Vanilla Latte, and camping out do get some writing done on Technical Consultant.

As for my binge eating, well, it’s back to mindfulness and pushing against the compulsion.  My therapist told me about Pandora yesterday, a site where you can program your own “radio station.”  I set up a mindfulness “station” with lots of lovely meditative music.  My intention is to go there before I eat, sit for 7 minutes listening to something soothing and breathing into the agitation that is my compulsion.  It sounds lovely, but in the throes of compulsion the idea of pausing seems impossible.  We’ll see.  It’s a new tool, and I’ll try anything.

I’ve been at the mercy of my health and the environment for too long.  I need to use this break in my internal weather to get back on track.  And I see on the other screen that Downton is unfolding without a hitch.  I’ll take that as a good omen.

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kathryn McCullough
    Jan 07, 2014 @ 07:15:15

    Glad you’ve got a bit of a break in the internal weather, cause sure sounds like you don’t have it otherwise. Stay warm and get well. Hell, maybe the fever is an attempt to fight hypothermia. I’m glad to be in Ecuador about now.

    Hugs from Ecuador,


  2. Eggton
    Jan 07, 2014 @ 10:49:43

    So much to say. I can’t wait for Sherlock. I haven’t watched the first episode of season 4 of Downton yet on-line, but I might do it today (I will use it as a prize if I get other things done 🙂
    I love pandora.
    And my father gave me a book on mindfulness that I really need to read. I will add that to the list of things to do another day.
    I am thinking of you and wishing you a happy New Year, my friend.


  3. pegoleg
    Jan 07, 2014 @ 11:13:30

    Hope your discombobulation resolves soon. I love that word.


  4. Moss Piglet
    Jan 08, 2014 @ 03:05:18

    I feel privileged to have watched this year’s Downton Abbey Christmas episode…Hope you get to see them all with out a hitch…Imagine the luxury I have of driving there…to Highclere Castle in just 30 mins, and to wander the lovely grunds. Gaining entry to the Castle is now very difficult, all booked up in season, and expensive, but I have been in there many times over the last 30 years, and it is LOVELY x


  5. Littlesundog
    Jan 10, 2014 @ 21:56:51

    I have TV, but seldom watch it. I would be lost without my computer, however. I wish the weather would warm up a bit. I feel the urge to pick up wood in the canyon and get that burn pile stoked! Therapeutic work always soothes me.


  6. cathy
    Jan 11, 2014 @ 19:51:19

    Our Indiana weathers are a bit crazy, which in turn makes me a bit homicidal as well. I suffer from depression and although medicated, it sometimes breaks through and I feel like I could sleep for a year. Hibernate like a bear and not be seen until Spring. I understand a bit about how you’re feeling. Here’s to a promising new year. I see better days ahead.


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