The Problem with Nice People

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“Real compassion kicks butt and takes names, and it is not pleasant on certain days.  If you are not ready for this fire, then find a new-age, sweetness-and-light, soft-speaking, perpetually smiling teacher, and learn to relabel your ego with spiritual sounding terms.  But stay away from those that practice real compassion, because they will fry your ass, my friend.”  —  Ken Wilber

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. David Kanigan
    Sep 03, 2013 @ 18:32:19

    Loved it…


  2. Michelle at The Green Study
    Sep 03, 2013 @ 18:34:59

    I love this! Sometimes it’s hard to see oneself as a compassionate person, because one seems to be missing the sweetness and light. Kick ass compassion sounds more like my deal!


  3. Littlesundog
    Sep 04, 2013 @ 07:13:40

    I received a most wonderful email from a niece yesterday – it made my day! A couple of months ago and again this past weekend, we had conversation. In my matter-of-fact and point-blank way, I expressed my observations. I figured I’d just be brushed off as hard-ass Aunt Lori, which has happened so many times. The email she sent yesterday made me realize that my approach was effective, and received in love and appreciation rather than as critical and harsh. In my own life, the people who were real, and cut the “fluff” were the people who helped me the most in my struggles. You rock Sandy… keep kicking ass!


    • Sandy Sue
      Sep 04, 2013 @ 20:08:23

      Some folks just don’t want it. I get that. Trouble is, I’m long past being able to say, “There, there.”
      What a tribute to your niece to be able to hear you. And, of course, to the real love behind what you said to her.


  4. Hope Happens
    Sep 04, 2013 @ 12:45:07

    Love this! The older I get the more I welcome, even crave, truth – even if it might be harsh. Doing the loving/compassionate thing can also be doing the difficult/painful thing. This one is a keeper; it’s going in my files.




  5. Kathryn McCullough
    Sep 04, 2013 @ 13:22:19

    Too nice gets on my nerves, I’m afraid. Nice is nice–but only to a point!

    Hugs from Ecuador,


  6. pegoleg
    Sep 07, 2013 @ 14:05:41

    Interesting perspective. I guess nice for its own sake isn’t as good as nice because you mean it, but I think it still beats surly for its own sake.


    • Sandy Sue
      Sep 08, 2013 @ 05:35:11

      Some don’t appreciate tough love, or steely compassion in Ken Wilbur’s case. I don’t consider it surly, though. Clarity, honesty and naming names can feel harsh, but it’s sometimes the most useful kind of love.


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