Lost Days. Bad Days. I used to have all kinds of names for days like today. Symptomatic. Hard. Dead.
It’s a day when all plans and lists get set aside, all hopes for how the day might be spent suspended. It’s a day when the rapid cycling pulls me under into the darker waters. Drowning can occur.
But not today.
Today, as I schlumped home from the Y, brain fog closed off any line of sight to the shoreline. I was left adrift with the nattering and fussing it grinds out on days like today. The fibromyalgia that comes with depression deposited rusty spurs in every joint. I could hear my muscles creaking.
Okay, my brighter mind conceded, let’s just sink into the day.
At home, I ate breakfast, watched an episode of Fringe, took Advil, then went to bed. If I’m exhausted and aching, this part of my mind reasoned, then rest. I slept for hours—deep sleep punctuated by cats. Up in the early afternoon, I set about making soup with whatever I had left in my pantry and fridge—a little of Bob’s Red Mill Whole Grains and Beans Soup Mix, a can of corn, two little sweet potatoes, garlic, and half a bag of spinach. I didn’t have any vegetable broth left, so surrendered my vegan status for the day and threw in a couple of chicken bouillon cubes. Parsley, Garam Marsala, salt and pepper rounded it out.
While my soup simmered, I spent the afternoon on Pinterest, looking at dreamy and beautiful images. I went to the pinners I follow who gather their boards together with style and grace, then wandered off to experience some of their favorites. Sinking into the beauty, sinking into the art, I let the images and words hold me like a raft on the dark waters. I brought a bowl of soup back to my computer and sank deeper into the rhythm of the gentle pictures and soft colors, spooning a bite of sweet potato, a mingling of spice and savory.
Now, the day is almost done. Henry is buzzing his little cat-snores behind me in the big chair. The sun comes through the western windows, throwing squares of light on the floor for Emmet’s bath. It’s quiet here. No drowning. Just sinking into what the day brought and resting there.
SandySue Altered
Apr 02, 2013 @ 15:53:00
Over here, where the tulips are shape-shifting out of strong green leaf-stalks and the days are yellow and blue and now spring-green, I read your Sinking into the Day, happy-proud of you for getting to the Y, making soup. [I, too, have been adding Indian and Thai spices to my newly-improvised soups…are you following me ? 😉 hah hah ] and for saying Yes to Rest. And I, too, go to beautiful gatherings of made-art and painted rooms on the Internet, visual replenishers for frayed synapses. In this loveliness of nurturing, there is no yelling at ourselves. ahhhhhhh I paid $79 for a year of Amazon movie streaming ($6+ a month instead of Netflix’s $8+, yea!) and have been journeying to India (The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) and warm coasts (The Beasts of the Southern Tides) and Paris (A Cat in Paris and Amelie) . . . reminding myself this is New Territory, this new Landscape of my Life (65 yrs with drastically less income since I can no longer “donate” plasma for $240/mo! ), as I own my Past Wanderings, fun and not so, and prepare for this challenge, which today, under sunny skies looks like an Adventure, of which I can control the most important stuff, and Enjoy the surprises ! Your writing helps me, SandySue. :-)))
Apr 02, 2013 @ 20:47:38
New Territories. Yes.
Apr 02, 2013 @ 20:23:29
That is the kind of day I’d like to have! This week, it’s just dog paddling all the way to Friday.
Apr 02, 2013 @ 20:46:05
I’ll trade ya. Any time.
Apr 02, 2013 @ 20:58:54
Ah, but the devil you know…
Apr 02, 2013 @ 20:50:42
Now THAT’s what i call self-respect!! I am impressed.
Apr 02, 2013 @ 20:53:05
Like everything else, some days I can, some days I can’t. Thanks for the good thoughts.
Apr 04, 2013 @ 20:46:52
I dawdled this morning, not being able to focus on anything. I refused to answer the phone, not feeling like conversation at all. I finally crawled into the bed for a nap early in the afternoon. Some days are diamonds and some days are stone… tomorrow will be a new day!
Apr 05, 2013 @ 04:55:11
That’s one of my mantras on difficult days: Just get through this day.