handmade greeting card, collage art, grandmother, vintageThis morning marks 20 days for me without bolting.  20 days without that awful itch to climb out of my skin and run.  20 days of staying close to home instead of escaping in my truck to the distractions and comfort of the city.

And I woke up crying.

The scales tip, straighten, tip again.  Night follows Day follows Night.  Spring comes back around.  We each move along our own spirals.  If we’re willing and patient, we may feel the spiral lifting with each turn, bringing our Work with us, using what we’ve learned.  If we choose, we can see the patterns in the way we move through our lives.  If we stay awake, we see everything come round again.  Our path along the spiral is inevitable.  How we dance with it is up to us.

20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Denise Fletcher
    Mar 14, 2013 @ 07:19:08

    I feel privileged to be along on this journey with you! Your vulnerability is so honest. It helps me to remember that we all have our struggles and a little more patience and kindness would go a long way in our day-to-day interactions with others. So happy you are doing well.


  2. ManicMuses
    Mar 14, 2013 @ 08:05:43

    How we dance to it is up to us. Put on Walking on Sunshine and turn it up really loud. You deserve a Happy Dance!


  3. brennagee
    Mar 14, 2013 @ 09:32:34

    It’s both hard and magnificent to be so aware of the spiral. Good to be awake but exhausting sometimes too. I’m having one of those days where I see myself repeating my patterns and don’t love it. Trying to dance and work with what I’ve learned.


    • Sandy Sue
      Mar 14, 2013 @ 18:59:02

      It’s the hardest work we’ll ever do. And we always forget to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves first–to see the pattern without judgment. I’m jitter-bugging with you, friend.


  4. jackspratt823
    Mar 14, 2013 @ 10:37:05

    Every day a new chance. ” Forgive the people I have been. Bless all those I shall become”


  5. Moss Piglet
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 04:18:48

    Was watching a little Honey Bee dance in the hive to tell the others where the flowers were…and he kept dancing. He had to alter his little dance in the dark of the hive to compensate for the shifting of the sun as the day progressed…How did that little bee know.
    We are all so tiny, but so blessed with instincts to help us in our dance of life
    Bzzzz xxx


  6. TamrahJo
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 10:07:24

    Congrats on the 20 days! One step at a time – – 🙂


  7. Littlesundog
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 14:17:15

    I love this post, Sandy. It seems to fit perfectly at this point in my journey. I’m feeling the spiral up these days, dancing happily. I think I wore myself out on the dancing days of old… sort of an angry dance. But I see it all differently now… I had to do that silly stomp dance before I could learn to dance an eloquent waltz!


  8. Linda Schierman
    Mar 19, 2013 @ 19:26:56

    Dear SandySue, I have so much welling up in me upon seeing a couple of your posts, this and the We Might as Well Dance one….am a dancer always, the music gets me to move, a chance to move out of the depression to the slope and peer and peep around at the world I get to be in…just wanna say thank you so much for continuing to be here on your blog….LindaNoel


  9. Evolution of X
    Mar 22, 2013 @ 09:25:08

    Yesterday I took our youngest son, who suffers from severe OCD, to his psychiatrist for an emergency appointment because he had recently suffered a couple of bouts of debilitating despair. (He just recently began attending school full time again after almost 2 years of trying and was ready to give up on that and retreat again to his room and computer.)

    His recent despair followed several weeks of extraordinary success in his battle with OCD but he was feeling like he had made no progress in months. (This is a pattern for him and I always dread the downs because they try to rob him even of his memory of the ups.) His doctor was able to help him recognize what can happen when OCD insinuates itself into the metacognitive process by magnifying the emotional intensity attached to certain memories (like the scary times when OCD terrorizes him) often making it easier for the brain to call up those memories when stressed which reinforces a self-defeating cycle of discouragement and despair. He came out of the session looking relieved and more peaceful and armed with a new metaphor he had constructed to help him visualize and recognize the process.

    One of the reasons I so enjoy your blog (besides your awesome nerdiness) is your amazing ability to deconstruct your illness, arm yourself with knowledge and metaphors, and persevere. I admire your courage, intelligence, sense of humor, kindness, and creativity. You give me hope for our son (who shares these traits) and I just wanted to say thanks. Keep up the good fight, sister.


    • Sandy Sue
      Mar 22, 2013 @ 21:29:07

      Oh, Tori…
      It’s so hard to remember what’s real and what is simply the illness talking. I empathize with your son, and can’t imagine how hard that cognitive process must be for someone so young. That he has found a metaphor or a mantra of some kind that helps is amazing and so necessary. I like his doctor already. If my scribblings have helped you and your family in any way, my dream has come true. Kisses and hugs, my friend.


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