Nine Days out of Hell

handmade greeting cards, collage art

In an unusual stroke of magnanimity, the Bipolar Gods (Bill and Ted, I think) have granted me a little respite.  Nine days since my last urge to bolt.  Nine days of saving money instead of spending it.  Nine days of reacquainting myself with my inks and papers.  Nine days of reading quietly in the evenings with Missy Higgins on the stereo and Emmett providing a nice head rest on the back of my chair.

It’s not until the cycling stops that I can see I’ve just passed through Hell.  As I’m going through it, I always feel I’m managing pretty well, keeping my head down, stepping carefully through the lava and acid.  I take short sips of breath to keep from burning my lungs.  I brace myself for the demons that jump out of the dark with their pointy teeth and pokey tridents.  I squeeze into the tiniest target possible.

But when I pass through the Gates, the relief is so shocking—fresh air on scalded skin, the ability to uncurl and stand upright.  This time I realized I hadn’t taken a deep breath in six months.

And once the shock wears off there’s so much to do—salvage, and reconstruction, and reinforcement of the structures that will carry me through the next Descent.  But, there’s joy in the ability to do instead of survive.  And moments of pause to feel the delicious weightlessness of No Mood.  Always knowing this, too, will pass, but appreciating every hour Bill and Ted grant me.

My friend, David, at Live & Learn introduces me to amazing music every week.  I found Missy Higgins through him and want to share this lovely music video of hers.  It might help with whatever is burning you today.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Evolution of X
    Mar 07, 2013 @ 08:04:01

    Love the song. Love the video. I use music a lot to lift my mood and so does my son (the one with serious OCD). I think he’ll like this too. Lately we’ve been listening to a lot of Dave Matthews and Jack Johnson. But this is a lovely change. Thanks for passing it on.


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