So, here I am, practicing living and accepting my life As Is, and what happens? I’m dipped, like a juicy cherry, in chocolate fantasy.
It’s a pattern. I see a movie (hero) that touches some core hunger, and my imagination gallops off with me hanging on by my teeth. It happened with Christopher Reeve in Superman. It happened with Indiana Jones. It happened with Christian Bale in The Dark Knight. Now I’ve been kidnapped by Thorin from The Hobbit (and his portrayer, Richard Armitage, by association). Scenarios, stories, images spring fully formed from my fevered brow like Athena from Zeus’ forehead. I scribble them all down to try to get them out of my head, but there’s no draining this well. More Stories take their place. Details, dialog, complicated plots. I’ve been invaded.
This manic brainstorm is lush and intoxicating, sexy and completely distracting. I can live there instead of the Real World, which is painful and plodding. The desire to stay there is incredibly strong, but I’m supposed to be facing my reality, right?
I do the best I can, which isn’t much. When the Stories in my head take a little break, I place myself in space and time (I’m in my truck, my hands on the steering wheel, Annie Lennox is singing about broken glass…). I take a few deep breaths and feel my body. Here I am. Then the Story picks up again and I’m onto the next scene.
I’ve decided it might be better to just ride this pleasure cruise until the mania shifts. And it will. I’ll do my best to reorient and ground in the Real, but I don’t think I can stop my brain from doing this. I’m not sure I want to. I like chocolate covered cherries too much.
SandySue Altered
A Mind Divided 
Feb 05, 2013 @ 09:22:00
Funny, he didn’t seem that hot when I read the book in 7th grade.
My sugar-craving brain goes right to chocolate-covered cherries for real, and not as a metaphor.
Feb 06, 2013 @ 05:45:33
I’m *so* with you about Tolkein’s masterful cover-up! Hot dwarves–what a concept. And, yeah, I also thought of using a Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby metaphor. Either one, really, produces the correct amount of saliva.
Feb 05, 2013 @ 10:04:06
Hmmm… what was in your smoothie this morning?? 🙂
Feb 05, 2013 @ 10:10:57
I find medicating the mania with fantasy/story telling/writing is much more healthy than popping an antipsychotic pill. You go, Sandy. 🙂
Feb 06, 2013 @ 05:46:05
Gosh, it’s a fine line, Vivien!
Feb 05, 2013 @ 14:06:01
I’ve always indulged in escapism & fantasy to get away from problems- ever since I was a kid. My first film obsessions were Jurassic Park, then Titanic. I would get all the magazine articles, posters & pics I could lay my hands on. Then I’d buy the soundtracks and sit in my room drawing from the pictures. Now it’s Twilight!! Like you I also love Dark Knight Trilogy & The Hobbit. Love my movies!!
Feb 06, 2013 @ 05:47:02
So nice to have people who understand! I’ve been a fan-girl all my life, so I guess that will never change.
Feb 05, 2013 @ 14:22:38
Enjoy your story-ing, Sandy! Enjoy it while it lasts.
Hugs,
Kathy
Feb 06, 2013 @ 05:47:35
I think that’s the proper attitude. Quit worrying and just enjoy.
Feb 05, 2013 @ 14:32:57
We should be so lucky that our imaginations create such interesting fun! I say Go Girl ! You still live the Real World, I mean, you probably do get out of bed and eat and brush your teeth (a challenge for me, who used to always take such great care of my pearlies), etc., so let’er roll !
Feb 06, 2013 @ 05:48:31
The mania takes it to extreme sometimes, then when the mania shifts there’s this huge hole where the story lived. I’d like to temper that if I can.
Feb 06, 2013 @ 21:24:34
I’m not a big fan of chocolate… but I ate a dozen oatmeal raisin cookies today. Is that bad? In my own defense, I did do a lot of work in the woods the last three days!
Feb 07, 2013 @ 14:45:38
All rationalization approved here.
Dec 08, 2014 @ 04:17:03
“But only in their dreams can men be truly free” – John Keating 😉
Dec 08, 2014 @ 05:19:03
and women.
Dec 08, 2014 @ 05:20:47
and women.
Sep 15, 2015 @ 00:58:49
My version of this is to totally immerse myself in a musical comedy — and actually audition for and perform in it. I remember doing “Camelot” as a young woman and memorizing everyone’s lines in addition to the chorus numbers I was part of. “Grease” grabbed me the same way when I played “Jan” at a dinner theater. That cast lived our characters both on- and offstage. A little fantasy is good, as long as it doesn’t totally take the place of your reality. I wish I had time for this avocation now, but raising kids and starting a rental property business takes priority over my fantasy life. I had to bow out of “South Pacific” a couple of years ago after being cast, because the business was just starting up, and my kids needed me at home at night and on weekends. I have made time to train and work with my dogs in two productions of “Annie,” however, and enjoyed the behind-the-scenes work with my two therapy Shelties. (Not as intense as actually playing a part.) Maybe when the boys get older and less dependent, I can once again indulge in my favorite escapist drug. I still dream about doing “Les Miserable” and “Phantom of the Opera” before my voice goes on me. Right now I still sing like an ingénue, but have the body of a 58-year-old character actor. Life can be strangely divergent.
Sep 15, 2015 @ 13:03:10
Divergent. Oh, yeah. I remember when you involved at the Ingersol in Des Moines. Wished I’d been able to see you on stage. Maybe when you take The Crone with the Maiden’s Voice on the road.