It’s a game, really, those resolutions. Something to banter back and forth at the holiday party. Idle daydreams and wishful thinking. They swell the enrollments at the YMCA and Weight Watchers in January. But by March those numbers shrink back to normal. Resolutions are a little squirt of will power soon overtaken by inertia.
But, see, I’ve gotten this resolution thing down. Bipolar Bad-Assery takes resolution and slams it to the ground.
A friend asked me recently if I had a good 2012. In all honesty, I had to say it was the best and the worst year I’d had in a long time. Lots of physical illness, several surgeries, and rampaging rapid cycling mixed with amazing new friends, a solid weight loss and the completion my novel. And that’s exactly what Bad-Assery is all about—living and growing in tandem with mental illness.
Every time the illness loosens its grasp I review my resolutions and set my priorities. Every time. I struggle out from under the dead bodies, wipe the gore off my face, and start the long process of clearing away the wreckage.
Each time I ask myself the same questions. What’s most important to my health and wellbeing? What habits, activities, or practices did I abandon during this episode that I need to re-engage? What ones are unrealistic and need revision? Is there anything new I can try?
What I’ve learned is that there’s no way to do this perfectly. There’s just doing it. Every day my brain can hold onto some level of stability is a Training Day. Inertia may drag at me to watch TV or beg off from getting together with friends, but Bad-Ass Training means pushing against inertia. It means holding the tension of doing something that’s a little uncomfortable. And the more I can hold that tension, the more tension I can tolerate.
Bipolar Bad-Assery is resolution—to come back, to live, to thrive. It’s not a game to toss around at parties, but I try to remember to keep it playful—to inject it with humor, and dreaming, and a sense of exploration. Though those might manifest in a twisted Bruce Willis/Xena/Worf kind of way. Whatever works, right?
Yippee Ki Yay, Gabriella. It is a good day to die.
SandySue Altered
Jan 01, 2013 @ 14:24:04
Hooray for Bad-Assery! Way to go, girl friend!
I’ve been away from the blogosphere over the holidays but hope to get back on track this week. I’ve missed you. Happy New Year, my friend.
Hugs,
Kathy
Jan 01, 2013 @ 17:32:20
I miss you when you’re not virtual!
Jan 01, 2013 @ 15:24:53
Thinking of you, Friend!!
Jan 01, 2013 @ 17:09:42
Resolutions smemolutions. Let’s just do the best we can on any given day. Some days are better than others.
Wanted to let you know that we got to our destination this afternoon with no problems, other than being pooped! Great neice and her husband unloaded everything and wouldn’t let us do anything – SWEET!
Jan 01, 2013 @ 17:31:47
Glad you’re safe and sound and someplace warm.
Jan 01, 2013 @ 19:51:05
I haven’t made resolutions in years. I find it is just another silly expectation of society. If I need to do something new or make a change, then by gosh, I do it! I don’t need a ‘fresh start’ date or to exclaim or explain to anyone unless I just feel like it.
I like your Bad-Ass attitude. It’s an anytime tool… and it works very effectively!
Jan 01, 2013 @ 22:50:42
One more thing to feel guilty about. Bah!
Jan 02, 2013 @ 16:43:54
Yippee Ki Yay to you and your bad-ass self, Sandy. It’s an even better day to live!
Jan 03, 2013 @ 17:54:52
Well, you know Worf–he’s a little melodramatic, Klingon-wise.
Jan 03, 2013 @ 08:24:46
If there’s anything I resolved to do this New Year’s Eve, it’s add more Prosecco to my diet 🙂
Happy New Year, my friend! Here’s to a Bad Ass 2013!
Jan 03, 2013 @ 17:53:45
I’d never heard of Prosecco and had to look it up. Oooo! It looks yummy! I’ll get myself a bottle and toast you with it!
Jan 03, 2013 @ 18:34:20
I always feel inspired by your bad-ass posts. Especially love that last line. I could almost hear Lucy Lawless saying it. (She has a sexier voice than Bruce or Worf but I love both of them too.)
Jan 03, 2013 @ 20:51:06
Tori? What’s happened? Do you have a whole new blog? New avatar? I didn’t recognize you for a minute?
Jan 04, 2013 @ 07:50:47
Hi! Yes it’s me but you’ve already figured that out. I think I accidentally changed my gravatar when I created the new blog. Thanks for coming by the new place! It’s still under construction and I’m still firming up the game plan but I think it’s going to be fun.
Jan 05, 2013 @ 05:33:17
Hooray for new beginnings!
Jan 04, 2013 @ 01:20:14
Life can be viewed as a struggle or an adventure can’t it….all down to frame of mind at the time. I hope 2013 is a brilliant year for you!
Jan 04, 2013 @ 05:53:22
And for both of you, as well.