I have lived on the lip

of insanity, wanting to know reasons,

knocking on a door.  It opens.

I’ve been knocking from the inside!


° ° °

It has been a day full of tumbling—from solid to uncertain, from meadow to briar patch, from empty to brimming.  The transition from Clear Mind to an itchy melancholy stretched out over the weekend and somersaulted to a stop today.

Once again, I adjust my expectations.  I remind myself to stop Training and focus on Survival.  I feel the despair and hopelessness, the isolation and incompetence, and I know they are products of a mind twisted dark and untrustworthy.  I reach for my routine—move in the water, push the pen across the page—and reach for the tools that will help me lift my face into the breeze.

I knock on Rumi’s door and feel knuckles rapping inside my chest.  I stand at the brink and am the feet lifting into the air and the grass left behind.  I hold both worlds in my two fists and will not let go.

9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. the secret keeper
    May 22, 2012 @ 02:05:57

    keep holding on to Rumi – the philosophy spoken keeps you in balance. maybe something was going on in the universe but i felt like i was on free fall today. all that could go wrong kept crashing into me. telekinesis – when i am stressed all things electronic go wacky. so it either was the universe for both of us or it was a bloody wacky day. so hold on tight. i am with you. i feel your struggle. may it settle down for you. music is pumping in tru my ear buds now. peace.


  2. Kathryn McCullough
    May 22, 2012 @ 05:51:46

    Hang on, my dear. As you know, this will pass. In the meantime, this is lovely writing, my friend.


  3. pegoleg
    May 22, 2012 @ 10:56:08

    “itchy melancholy” – the words sound lovely, although the experience sounds very uncomfortable. Hope this too shall pass quickly.


  4. Fork in My Eye
    May 22, 2012 @ 19:12:07

    I agree with Kathy. Beautiful words. In the meantime, my son would say, let it flow through you.


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