The Bad-Ass is Back

After almost three weeks en-episode, the Dark Visitor who took up residence in my head drifted on to other haunts today.  It felt exactly like a someone opened a window in my brain and aired the place out.  Colors brighten.  Sounds sweeten.  The body breathes a sigh of relief.

My first hint came while ripping through the deep water this morning.  There’s nothing like karate kicks and ab crunches to bring the Bad-Ass grin to a girl’s face.  I may take up double space on land, but in the water I’m a svelte powerhouse with Zen control.

At our TOPS meeting, I was shocked to find I’d lost weight this week.  After three weeks of relentless compulsive eating, I expected another week of gains.  I chalk up the loss to Grace and a balancing of the gain I had last week.  A person can’t take the numbers on the scale too literally—the body is always in flux.  But, I was reminded of why I joined TOPS last December.  I wanted a place to rest and receive support during episodes when I couldn’t control what I put in my mouth.

And when those episodes ended, I wanted folks who would help me jump right back on the horse.  My group does just that.  They’re the best wranglers in town.

Later, I drove to my mental health clinic to chat with my therapist and pick up my medical records.  The HIPAA regulations seem simple enough—any patient has the right to request a copy of their medical records.  A fee may be levied.  Unfortunately, therapy notes aren’t covered by the HIPAA guidelines.  And third-party records (another provider’s information that may also be in the chart) cannot be copied.

Luckily, my current shrink and the therapists who have taken care of me over the past six years decided I could handle reading my therapy notes.  So, I received copies of those.

And Michelle, my current therapist and head cheerleader, sat with me and figured out how I could contact all the hospitals, clinics, and former docs who hold the rest of my mental health history.  I left the clinic feeling clear and sharp.  I had a plan.  I always do better with a plan.

Bipolar episodes are never easy, but this last one seemed particularly grim.  I’m getting used to them lasting longer.  I’m getting more skillful at separating myself from the grue in my head. But there’s always a point in the battle when things can’t seem to get any worse—and then, they do.  This time is was the maintenance on my dad’s truck that totaled over $900.

But, my sister and brother jumped in with their swords drawn and slayed that beast for me.  Thank the gods for the folks who’ve got my back!  I’d forgotten basic Action/Adventure plot structure or I would have seen them coming.  The Crew always pops out of nowhere in the nick of time to keep the warrior from getting hacked to pieces.  My Sibling Cavalry.

So, with a deadly roundhouse kick, a spirited steed, a savvy crew and a plan of attack, the Bad-Ass is definitely back.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. deb
    May 10, 2012 @ 22:00:36

    Go, Bad-Ass!!! I love it when you’re in Bad-Ass mode!

    Reply

  2. docrob50
    May 11, 2012 @ 00:28:23

    you write so good – scares the sh*t out of me how good you are – svelte bad ass with Zen control – you betcha!

    Reply

  3. Kathryn McCullough
    May 11, 2012 @ 15:08:24

    Hooray! So happy to hear she’s back. And thank God you are beginning to work out the situation with your medical records. That’s a big deal, my friend. I could not be happier for you.

    Guess what? I was able to get a copy of my father’s death certificate and SS# today from my mom. She finallly came through, so I have what I need to begin applying for my father’s FBI file. Hooray!

    Hugs,
    Kathy

    Reply

  4. Penny
    May 12, 2012 @ 23:04:05

    I’m so glad you are feeling better!!!!

    Reply

  5. the secret keeper
    May 14, 2012 @ 17:41:35

    speaking of the bad ass, i noticed you had a photo of ripley in alien amongst your photos. wanted to let you know if you don’t already but ridley scott is releasing the prequel to alien. it’s title is “Prometheus.” i posted two trailers with a short review of the film which i am going to follow with an analysis of the characters. it’s so f-ing awesome! imo. just thought you might be interested,

    Reply

    • Sandy Sue
      May 14, 2012 @ 18:39:11

      I absolutely loved “Alien” and “Aliens,” but my monster movie-going days are behind me. Just the previews of “Prometheus” make me want to run out of the theater. Reading Stephen King is as scary as I get now, but thanks for the notice. And I hope you enjoy the sh*t out of it.

      Reply

      • the secret keeper
        May 14, 2012 @ 18:45:03

        i’m almost past scary (don’t like – have high startle effect) but if it sounds good & is high quality i will check it out. thanks. i hope i do “enjoy the sh*t out of it.”

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