Girl Parts

There are times when a mental or physical shock can snap me out of a bipolar episode.  My theory is that the sudden demand of crisis problem-solving cooks the brain in a particular way and changes the chemistry there.  It’s a theory.  Anyway, I got a good shock yesterday, and I seem to be back to set point this morning.

I found out I need a hysterectomy.

After several trips to the gynecologist, ultrasound and labs all the results came in.  I have orange-sized fibroid tumors and a pre-cancerous uterine lining.   So, out she goes.

I’m having a strange sort of deja vu experience, since twenty years ago another gynecologist campaigned strongly for a hysterectomy.  At the time I believed doctors knew only enough to be dangerous, and that our organs have many more functions than are recognized.  I wanted to heal my body naturally and keep it intact.  I worked with a naturopath and actually got pregnant (which is a whole other story).

In any case, I made peace with my girl parts after years of pain, vomiting, hemorrhaging and countless gynecological interventions.  Now, they really have to leave.

I wonder what my life might have been if I’d followed my doctor’s recommendation twenty years ago.  A good friend had a hysterectomy in her twenties, and her mood disorder changed dramatically for the better.  How much a part do hormones play in mood disorders?  From the research I’ve read, no one knows.  The most the braniacs can say is there might be a link in some women sometimes.  Obviously, this is not a research priority.

I’m not falling for the “what if” trap.  I made my decision then and stand by it.  I feel like I advocated for my body and loved it even when it was difficult.  But this is a hyster of a different color.  When cancer starts entering the conversation, it’s time to let go.  Which I will be doing on March 14.

And as far as the shock therapy goes, I’ll see if this one sticks today.  Hell of a way to reset your brain.

18 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. carlarenee45
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 06:15:10

    I am in a simular situation right now. I have been having bleeding with severe pain every two weeks for the last few months. They are now doing tests. I have to go on Valentines day for an MRI of my pelvic area. I hope I do have to have a hysterectomy. I’m almost 46 and I am going into the change anyway. I wish they would hurry up with these tests though. I can’t live like this much longer. The pain starts way before the bleeding. So it last for over a week. So I have only a few days of rest. I’m exausted from losing that much blood and sleep too. I hope your surgery goes well for you and that you don’t have any complications with your hormones.


    • Sandy Sue
      Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:49:26

      Oh, for heaven’s sake! It’s inexcusable for you to suffer like that for so long. Your doctor should get his balls in a vise and see how long it takes him to remedy THAT situation. I will be holding you in love and light. Please let us know what happens.


  2. Evelyn Atholl Moir
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 06:25:01

    Hello Sandy Sue,
    Have been reading your Blog now for just over a week…very special.
    All the best for the 14th March.
    I had my,so far, only Bipolar Depression, 4 months, followed by glorious Hypomania, also for 4 months…just as menopause arrived,…and my Mother seems to have had the same pattern of illness.
    My great grandmother had 9 children in the early 1900’s then became ill just after the birth of my grandfather, when her eldest son, age 14, drowned. They sent her to the Asylum, diagnosed insane, and she died there 50 years later.


    • Sandy Sue
      Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:44:57

      Holy crap! Why isn’t anyone doing *real* research on this issue. Oh, wait… it’s mental illness and women. Go to the back of the funding line, please.
      Thank you, Evelyn, for your voice here. I hope you speak often!


  3. bipolarmuse
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 09:18:45

    No what ifs… those are torturous. Glad that you are catching this problem in time. ♥


  4. Kathryn McCullough
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 13:05:18

    Good luck on the 14th. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the surgery “fixed’ the bipolar symptoms. Hang in there in the meantime.


  5. thecurvyspine
    Feb 10, 2012 @ 02:24:36

    A friend of my is in her mid-twenties and struggles with similar problems. I think hormones do play a key role in your mood. I know when I am on the wrong birth control I go a bit nuts, and I can really feel the difference in my mood! Anyway, in the end it was probably best that you didn’t have it when you were young, who knows how different your life would be. Everything happens for a reason and when its suppose to happen. Good luck with surgery, my thoughts and prayers will be on you♥


    • Sandy Sue
      Feb 10, 2012 @ 03:58:49

      I believe each choice we make opens a webwork of opportunities, and we can find purpose and significance no matter which way we go. We are all on the “right” path, doing the work we need to do. Thank you for your kindness and wisdom.


  6. Evelyn Atholl Moir
    Feb 10, 2012 @ 05:13:08

    Just back from my Doctor and he is happy with my decision to reduce my medication by half (as, after two years, it is causing tachycardia, blocked nose and labored breathing), and I came to a worrying conclusion…when I was suffering suicidal depression, no one cared for me and I was sent home alone, left to hide in bed for weeks, with the odd dose of Valium for anxiety, at my request…then the Antidepressants, again at my request, sent me into a wonderful four month Hypomania. Once the Psychiatrist caught up with me, in my Hypomanic state, I had nurses coming to my house almost every day and even the Psychiatrist payed a visit.
    I was closer to death in my depressive state, and nobody cared.


    • Sandy Sue
      Feb 10, 2012 @ 05:36:20

      In my state, if a person is suicidal they go to the hospital. Perhaps your state is different, but I’m appalled that your psychiatrist didn’t at least try to admit you. Thank goodness you survived and are able to advocate for yourself. Much luck in weaning from your meds. It’s a difficult process, so please be gentle with yourself and check in with your doc regularly.


  7. Evelyn Atholl Moir
    Feb 10, 2012 @ 07:41:11

    I’m in the United Kingdom Sandy Sue, and although they still do have acute psychiatric units, so many of the old Victorian built Asylums have been knocked down or converted into desirable apartments, and ‘Care in the Community’ has become the order of the day…many of the ‘Homeless’ sleeping rough on Britain’s streets have psychiatric problems, self medicated by drink & drugs.
    When I started to report suicidal thoughts to my doctor, I had never seen a psychiatrist, no history of mental illness, and talked confidently to my doctor about my mother’s actual suicide attempt & how it made me feel less shocked about my own feelings and the possibility of following them through…so I think my doctor did not realise just how ill I was…Now I am ‘in the psychiatric system’ I would expect any relapse into depression or hyopmania might be picked up and acted upon, so I feel safer, and now just hope I stay well.


    • Sandy Sue
      Feb 10, 2012 @ 07:50:12

      How interesting. Living in a Victorian Asylum does have an appeal!
      But, seriously, I think our mental health care systems are similar. I forget that general practitioners are really just gatekeepers. If you don’t know what you need and tell them, they don’t know which gate to open. And it’s so hard to be your own advocate when ill. Many, many blessings today, Evelyn.


  8. Evelyn Atholl Moir
    Feb 11, 2012 @ 04:28:41

    My mother-in-law in New Zealand, now aged 76, had a hysterectomy way back in 1969, after the traumatic birth of her fourth baby…my son’s father. She kept her hourglass figure, and five years ago, when her husband died…a horrid grumpy man…she met a handsome chap two years younger than me, at 50, and they jumped on his big motor bike and hit the open roads of South Island, and are still together five years on, very happy!


  9. Ruby Tuesday
    Feb 11, 2012 @ 04:35:39

    All I can do is wish the very best for you, and hope that your health returns speedily. My thoughts will be with you.


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