We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Programming…

Yesterday, my faithful iMac gasped its last.  Logic board failure was the diagnosis (*Sigh* Another family member with a bad brain).  So, I’m posting from my library, which is only half a block away.  It means I have to stay on target and not dillydally, since I only get 60  minutes on the computer.  So…

When my computer guru, Jeremy, told me the bad news, I absolutely froze.  Think Straw and Camel’s Back.  My ex-husband helped me purchase my computer years ago. Computers were his passion.  He did all the maintenance, upgrades, installations, learning the new programs for both of us.  I sorta know how to use the programs I have, and I know to back up my files every once in a while.  That’s all.

I was lucky to find Jeremy when I moved back to my hometown.  He and the other 20-something fellas at BDH Technologies untangled my computer messes when I made them.  But Jeremy doesn’t want to tell me what to do about my dead Mac.  All he could do was look up what it would cost to replace it—a mere $1300.  Hence, the deer in the headlights.

Already in the throes of a sizeable bipolar depression and still fighting off bronchitis, I did the only thing I could.  I turned into Scarlet O’Hara.  “I won’t think about it now.  I’ll think about it tomorrow.  Tomorrow is another day.”  I turned on the TV and gathered all the food I had in the apartment and proceeded to go numb.

By mid-afternoon I was bloated, foggy and not able to keep the panic at bay any longer.  I sat meditation to still myself, then I pulled a Sheryl Mae and cleaned my apartment.  Dusting, rearranging, sorting, pulling out Halloween decorations, mounting clothes hooks, vacuuming burned off some of the frenetic energy and helped my brain process the ideas that came during meditation.  When I was done, my place was clean and Octobery, and I had a plan.

Slowly, slowly, I’m learning how to work with this illness.  When the depression or mania are at their worst, I need to whack them over the head with a baseball bat.  A shock, a change, hard physical work all interrupt the signal of the episode.  At least that’s what it feels like to me.

So, today, I’ll go to Staples and talk to the computer people there.  If they can’t help me pick out a computer, I’ll go to Best Buy on Friday when I’m in the city for meditation group.  I will polish up my resting credit card, because that’s what credit cards are for–emergencies.  But, I will entertain the idea of buying something other than a Macintosh for the first time in my life

The squeezed, helpless frozen state I was in yesterday transformed.  I’m still depressed, but not debilitatingly so.  I’m still sick, but I splashed around in two water classes at the Y today.  Buying a new computer is still a huge decision, but I have a plan.

I’m on a great adventure.


12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. docrob50
    Oct 05, 2011 @ 11:50:59

    good, because i would miss reading your posts and being a part albiet small part of your life……….


  2. pegoleg
    Oct 05, 2011 @ 15:52:00

    Computer death: bad for you
    Adventurous plan to deal with loss: good for you!

    If it’s any help, I’ve never had a Mac and life still has meaning. You can get computers for just a couple of hundred $$ now. Good luck on your hunt!


    • Sandy Sue
      Oct 06, 2011 @ 10:03:02

      Thanks Peg! I’m willing to go PC, but I guess they can’t translate Mac files and programs, so I’m stuck. I hate to put such a huge charge on my credit card, but oh well. I’m not going anywhere.


  3. Kathryn McCullough
    Oct 05, 2011 @ 17:33:29

    Bless your hear, Sandy! Dead computer is bad. Glad to know you have a plan. Hang in there, my friend!


  4. Sheryl Mae
    Oct 05, 2011 @ 23:45:11

    Huzah! Here’s to PC’s and clean apartments. 🙂


  5. ManicMuses
    Oct 06, 2011 @ 05:50:17

    Yeah, when the buggers go belly up, it sure does throw a wrench in the works. Good luck with the computer hunt. It’s not very much fun but it is a necessary evil. (I’m a die-hard Mac girl so I’ll skip the ‘Buy a Mac!’ diatribe 🙂 ) And kudos for going to the Y – you’re a great source of inspiration!


    • Sandy Sue
      Oct 06, 2011 @ 09:59:53

      I’ve only ever owned Macs, so I didn’t know PCs were unable to translate Mac files and programs. Losers! It will take me over 2 years to pay off the cost of a new iMac, but oh well.


  6. Richard L Olson
    Oct 08, 2011 @ 01:35:28

    I understand the preference for Macs. I talked to Laney today and she was going to bring along a working PC to your group meeting today.

    Back from the media to the subject matter. I was talking to a friend at the store tonight on the way home. After some light hearted talk I brought up a desire that the suicide season be over. I have worked my way out of the empathy pangs for those who left and those that survive recently to long before. Life goes on.


    • Sandy Sue
      Oct 08, 2011 @ 07:04:33

      Richard, I didn’t realize you were going through this now. Is it the change in the seasons? I know the shift from winter to spring and summer to fall is hard on me physically, but I didn’t know about a “suicide season.” Tell me more.


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