Funerals & Other Acts of Will

Yesterday I went to the funeral of a good friend’s mother.  It was one of those mixed-blessing deaths.  Matt’s mother had been ill a long time, and the family had been planning her passing for a while.  So, while they mourned, they were also relieved.  Plus, she worshiped in a Baptist church where the message was all about joy, big smiles and being welcomed Home.

Matt is a sensitive, dear soul, and even though I knew he was ready for his mother’s death, I wanted to support him the best way I could.  When we get together, we are obnoxious, irreverent and a regular laugh-riot in our own minds.  I wasn’t sure that would be suitable at a funeral, but I was willing to go where ever he need to.

We ended up sitting together at the post-service luncheon, laughing (like we always do) and talking in British accents (his mother was from England).  He told hilarious stories about his mom and his family, pointing out the story characters to me as they got up for more potato salad or wandered between tables.  At one point, he wiped his eyes from laughing so hard and said, “This is what Mom would have wanted.”

It wasn’t easy for me to plunk myself in the middle of a big social gathering, or to sit through the minister’s propaganda. I’m glad I prepared myself with funeral advice and general social guidelines for such sensitive social gatherings, click here to see what I read to get ready. Even though my courage wasn’t not at full complicity, I gathered myself and stayed strong.   Love can get you out of your chair when nothing else works.  It was a small act of will, a push to do something I really didn’t want to do, a choice to set my desires aside and take action in a different direction.  I felt that tiny expansion inside, and I felt Matt relax.  I’m so glad I went.

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fiddle gal
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 13:56:48

    Sounds like you were just what your friend needed!

    Reply

  2. pegoleg
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 16:26:01

    More than an act of will, it was also an act of selfless kindness to a friend. Good for you, and good for Matt to have such a friend.

    Reply

  3. docrob50
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 16:37:48

    well said Sandy Sue and in sharing it you took another small act of will – friction is good. As you have noticed, i am a curious sort and often take paths or links that seem a diversion. May I ask what sort of spiritual direction (s) is your director experienced in?

    …and may I recommend a basic buddhist text that one with a mind such as yours will enjoy chewing upon? and thanks for reminding me as i too forget other teachers and traditions such as Ouspensky and Gerrrrrr (there went my mind).
    rob

    Reply

    • Sandy Sue
      Sep 08, 2011 @ 18:29:01

      My teacher studied for years with a man named Ron Mangravite. She also studied with a dzogchen buddhist teacher and was part of a Gurdjieffian group for several years. Her approach is holographic, using mystery teachings from the ancients, the latest genetic/biotech research, esoteric teachings of current religions, system theory, mathematics, astronomy, art and literature.
      I’ve also read several Buddhist teachings, but I’d love to know what you have in mind!

      Reply

      • Sue Scarlett Montgomery
        Apr 22, 2013 @ 11:37:01

        Hey Sandy Sue. Very inspired by your chronicle of creativity in what is known as bipolar. Incredibly courageous. I am hoping you can put me in touch with your teacher, the one who studied with Ron Mangravite for some years. I studied with him in the ’80’s and ’90’s in NYC & I was the youngest of anyone who studied with him. It is only now that I’m putting together some of the stuff he taught & I need help connecting the dots. Many blessings & thanks. Sue S. Montgomery

      • Sandy Sue
        Apr 22, 2013 @ 18:01:47

        i will email you.

  4. Kathryn McCullough
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 17:48:53

    I’m so sorry for your friend’s loss, but how great that you could laugh together. Yeah, the Baptist sermon–propoganda, indeed!
    Kathy

    Reply

  5. Sherry
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 20:52:10

    Let’s hope that someone can do that for us when the time comes. You did good, sista.

    Reply

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