To Everything a Season

I’m not exactly sure what’s happening.  Then, again, maybe I am.

For the last three days I’ve been more tired, more achy, more prone to sadness and irritation.  I want to eat, and my motivation flags.  I think my summer vacation is over.

But after three days, my mood doesn’t seem to be getting any worse.  Small interventions seem to make a difference.  I felt better yesterday after making a Gratitude Journal page and a card.  Today I felt better after working on my story, Callinda, all morning.  I’m not as clear and even as I was last week, but I’m not debilitated either.  So, this could be a transition into depression.  Or it could be a new state, one that’s milder than my usual depressive episodes.  Or it could be something else entirely.

Whatever it turns out to be, the process for me is still the same.  Pay attention.  I must watch the eating compulsion expand and contract.  I’ve spent a week meditating before I prepare supper, but have gotten lax the last couple of days.  This is the time to be consistent, to take note of how the compulsion feels in my body, to rest in the state of meditation and allow in the grace that’s present.

It’s okay to let go of the long (50 days) period of stability I enjoyed this summer.  It’s okay to flow into whatever is next.  I am here now, turning with a new season.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kathryn McCullough
    Aug 15, 2011 @ 14:09:43

    Bless you, Sandy, where ever this leads! Hang in there and be present————
    Hugs,
    Kathy

    Reply

  2. Kitty
    Aug 15, 2011 @ 18:56:23

    This sounds a lot like some of our conversations in the past year about what I’ve gone through… Being calm used to create the fear that I as just on my way down, down, down. But then something shifted last Fall (after much work!) and I have been able to stay in “the middle” for days at a time… sometimes even weeks now. And when I’m not in the middle, I’m not quite so far out on the extremes as I used to be. And now you. This is possible. Wow!

    Reply

  3. Sherry
    Aug 15, 2011 @ 19:47:25

    For not feeling your best you sure worked like a trooper yesterday. You just dug right in and schlepped those mattresses around like nobody’s business. Aches and pains be damned! Now if we can just keep ahead of those darned dust bunnies!

    Reply

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