Waiting to Exhale

This weekend our spiritual group will gather in Minneapolis to study with our teacher via Skype.  I’m thrilled for so many reasons.  First, I love all these people.  We’ve gone through workshops, intensives and Teacher Training together.  We’ve shared deeply, laughed and cried, and helped each other in times of crises.  This is my spiritual community, the folks who get me.  When I’m with them, it’s like exhaling after holding my breath under water for a long time.  Such a relief.

Second, even though Melanie won’t be there in the flesh, we still get the benefit of her electronic presence.  Everyone needs a teacher, someone who plants markers along the path, someone who will point out those markers when the way gets treacherous and dim.  I started working with Melanie in 1999, several years before my mental break and the point where my life changed so drastically.  If not for the work she did with me on awareness and energetics during those early years, I’d be dead now.  More than any doctor, therapist, medication or hospitalization, Melanie gave me the tools to deal with being bipolar.  I’m so very grateful to her.

And while I love the people I’m going to be with and my teacher, the sheer joy of going on a road trip almost eclipses them both.  It’s been a year since I’ve spent the night out of town.  Driving an hour to “the big city” for the day breaks my budget, so anything more than that is something I don’t even consider anymore.  I love to travel, but I’ve gotten used to my smaller life.  As my friend Deb says, “It is what it is.”

Thanks to my meditation buddies and the other folks in Minnesota, I can still participate in our training sessions.  Tonight, I’ll stay with my friend Barb, and in the morning we’ll pile into her van with the other folks from meditation and hit the road.  Ahh!  There’s nothing like getting the dust blown off!  I love to watch the landscape roll by.  This time of year, everything will be greening, farmers will be in the fields, calves and lambs will be scampering in the pastures.  When I used to travel on my own, I’d load up the CD player with my best singing tunes and yodel to my heart’s content.  We won’t be doing that in the van, but thoughtful, meandering conversations will stretch our voices and hearts in a different way.

Living the bipolar life can weigh a person down.  Sometimes I feel like Sisyphus, condemned to roll my own boulder up Hades’ hill for eternity.  But, today, the burden is lifted by the people I love and who love me, by their support and generosity, and by the chance to stretch and learn among other seekers.  I get to quit struggling for a while and just watch the road open out before me.  I get to exhale.

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fiddle gal
    May 13, 2011 @ 07:44:25

    Blessings on your wonderful weekend!


  2. Sherry
    May 13, 2011 @ 08:05:18

    I can feel you relaxing already. Have a great trip!


  3. gypsy116
    May 13, 2011 @ 20:42:04

    Just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award, if youd like to except follow the instructions in my post here http://gypsy116.wordpress.com/2011/05/13/the-versatile-blogger-award/


    • Sandy Sue
      May 15, 2011 @ 22:40:48

      Wow, thanks! But, I don’t have 15 blog sites to nominate! I just don’t keep track of that many. I so appreciate your thoughtfulness, though, and I’m really honored.


  4. Kathryn McCullough
    May 16, 2011 @ 09:32:18

    What a beautiful post, Sandy! Melanie sounds like an amazing woman–as you are, as well! As Milton said–“They also serve who only stand and wait.” Hope you had many blessings this weekend—————


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