Training Checklist: Lay in Supplies

I’m back.  The dust-up I wrote about yesterday turned out to be just that—a temporary bipolar blip taken care of by an afternoon in bed and a handy automatic weapon.  Bipolar Bad-Ass Training recommences.

Every warrior checks her supplies between engagements.  The next battle may rage long-term, so she lays in rations, weapons, ammo and any other tools needed.  She anticipates her needs.  Likewise, there are a few things I need to take care of before the next episode comes.

I’ve needed to get my eyes checked and new glasses for a long time now.  I also need a haircut.  And then, there’s my disintegrating underwear.  When I’m depressed, when I’m manic, I can’t do these little chores.  Just thinking about them makes me cry.  Then, during my usual respites between episodes, I find a million other ways to fritter away my money.  But, I’m in training now.  My parents offered to pay for my glasses, so I need to take care of that.  Period.  And when the shooting starts, I can’t have my bangs falling into my eyes ( not to mention where my underwear ends up).

Once I get these chores taken care of, I need to sock away a little money each week I’m in training to off-set future compulsive spending.  This is something I’ve never done, but it feels right.  It feels like something Linda Hamilton would do.

Then, there are the spiritual supplies to secure.  The only way I know to do that is to meditate.  Daily meditation builds spiritual muscle.  It builds a space where my mind can rest and remember its true nature.  Meditation provides me with the tools to watch my thoughts, to surrender to the Now, and to break the hold illusion has on me.  I have difficulty meditating alone.  I procrastinate.  I get itchy.  But, I can’t attend my meditation group regularly, so in order to develop the mental depth and flexibility needed for the coming storm, I must meditate on my own.  I’m in training now.  No excuses.

I feel like I’m missing something.  Hmm.  What I’ll do is keep a new list:  Things I Need for the Next Engagement.  If something else comes to me, I won’t lose it while performing all my other training exercises.  Unlike other Bad-Asses, we bipolars have the memory problem to contend with.  It just wouldn’t do to forget the rocket launcher.

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