A Little Vacation

I think I hit bottom yesterday.  I think.  I feel a little more lively this morning.  But, I felt that way yesterday morning, and then plummeted while doing “Crazy Legs” in the pool.  Without the definite mood SNAP of rapid cycling, it’s a little like groping around in the dark to figure out how I feel.  Here’s a soft thing—is it a bed? a cat?  refried beans I forgot to put in the fridge?  Here’s an uncomfortable feeling—is it depression?  more?  less?  My guess is that the mood is shifting, which makes it slippery and undefinable.  So, I’m taking a leap of faith and assuming I’m on my way back.

Yesterday, I was scared enough by my deepening despair to make sure I wasn’t alone.  I called my sister and spent the day at her house.  She greeted me at the door with a kiss and the smell of cupcakes wafting through the kitchen.  My sister has a small house, an earth-sheltered Hobbit Hole full of warmth and calm beauty.  When I got there, her iPod was playing Josh Groben, The Carpenters, James Taylor—mellow and calming to match the quiet mood of the house.  We talked a little, I cried a little, but mostly we simply shared space.  My sister was there.  That’s all I needed.  Later in the afternoon, I came back home.  I was still depressed, but not scared.

Sometimes, when the depression gets too big, it helps to take a little vacation.  Depression has a way of leaking into the furniture, the pile of dirty clothes, the food in the refrigerator, the people seen every day.  It helps to go someplace that hasn’t been contaminated by days and nights of weeping and barbed wire thinking.  Going to my sister’s yesterday was like going to a spa.  A spa with cupcakes.

Thanks, Sissy.

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fiddle gal
    Apr 16, 2011 @ 10:21:17

    Glad you are having a moment of lifted spirit!


  2. Sherry
    Apr 16, 2011 @ 10:28:40

    You’re most welcome. Anytime.


  3. Josh
    Apr 16, 2011 @ 16:17:32

    I am glad you had a little vacation from all of the noise and I hope you are back on top very soon.

    Josh… 🙂


  4. gypsy116
    Apr 16, 2011 @ 18:22:55

    Im glad that you were able to recognize that you shouldnt be alone, I think sometimes I tend to sink into my depression and want to be alone, so that I can do things like harm myself. Im very glad that your sister could be there for you, and I hope that you are on your way back as well.


  5. pegoleg
    Apr 27, 2011 @ 16:03:37

    This was lovely. Not the topic- I know it’s painful – but the writing about despair seeping into the furniture was so evocative. What a blessing that you have your sister as a safe haven!


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