I don’t like holidays.
I would rather scratch them all from my calendar. I understand that the weary working need and savor this break, but they only make me sick. The YMCA closes, my coffee shops close, the folks I interact with on a daily basis trot off to be with their families or throw parties—all of which blasts apart my routine. Without my routine, I am a Bipolar Time Bomb with a very short fuse.
Since I was already in a heightened state of stress going into the holiday, I knew I needed some serious backup planning to keep from wigging out completely. I planned to walk the neighborhood to make up for my missed aquatics classes. Yesterday’s temperature was supposed to top out over 100 degrees, so I took my walk at 4:00 AM. I was awake anyway with a yammering cross-fire of spiky thoughts (courtesy of the Bipolar Agitation Fairy), so why not use the time, right?
I decided to allow myself some TV, but the only thing on was Magic City, a Starz series about hotels and the mob in 1959—sort of like Mad Men with dead bodies. I got hooked immediately and had to watch six episodes in a row until I couldn’t take any more depravity or naked women. More yammering, only now it’s images of icky, greasy mobsters doing icky things. Ick.
The urge to bolt seized me, and all I could think of was to go to a movie. That I’d already seen. Which was fine. Air conditioning and popcorn with a little distraction from the yammerers. But after the movie I was right back where I started. I made birthday cards for a while, cooked some supper, worked three crossword puzzles. I tried to soothe my traumatized cats when the fireworks started up, but they would have none of that. They planted themselves under my bed and stayed there.
When I finally crawled into bed myself, all I sent up a little prayer of thanks. I made it through another holiday. Sort of.
SandySue Altered
Jul 06, 2012 @ 03:21:54
I completely understand your aversion to holidays. But, we made it though yet another one. No more closed coffee shops until September!
And, this card is gorgeous – I absolutely love it
Jul 06, 2012 @ 22:05:46
Thank you, darling girl.
Jul 06, 2012 @ 09:46:31
I cannot imagine the strength you have to have to keep on living – I am just thankful that you do . Maybe that’s a selfish thing – not for me to say. Let’s just say I am glad Captain America looks over your shoulder and is helping you stay sane.
Jul 06, 2012 @ 22:05:22
Sweet man. I’ve got the whole Avenger team patrolling the perimeter.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 09:49:00
well then your honor is fully protected – not to mention the endless range of possibilities for play……..
Jul 06, 2012 @ 12:53:47
Sandy – the days after a holiday can be equally bad. So it is for me. I am acting like a shut in.
Jul 06, 2012 @ 22:04:25
I’m sorry to hear that Richard. Sorry I missed your call tonight. I got locked out of my apartment (another story). I hope you’re finding some relief tonight.
Jul 06, 2012 @ 13:55:37
Sorry to be a day late getting here, but I’m happy to hear you made it through the holiday. I think it’s impossible to over-emphasize the importance of routine when one had bipolar disorder. It’s essential to impose some predictability from the outside, when things are chaotic inside. Holidays suck in that regard.
Hugs,
Kathy
Jul 06, 2012 @ 22:03:29
No apologizing! You have bruising to show off on your site!
Jul 07, 2012 @ 13:10:17
Oh no, not the Bipolar Agitation Fairy- she’s not very nice! Glad you got through it. I know what you mean about the change to routine- the stability is so important with Bipolar isn’t it? Sending you the fairy of Peace & Calm
xxx
Jul 07, 2012 @ 21:54:17
Oh, I like that Fairy of Peace and Calm…I may have to draw a picture.
And thanks, Rachel, for the shout-out on your site.
Jul 08, 2012 @ 03:39:30
No problem, great post
Jul 07, 2012 @ 13:15:14
Reblogged on My Bipolar Life at http://www.rachelmiller1511.wordpress.com.
Jul 07, 2012 @ 14:21:35
Dear Sandy, when Meniere’s was so bad for me–which was only for 18 months–I often got through the day by saying, over and over and over again “And all shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be exceedingly well,” which was spoken and kept for the ages by Juliana of Norwich. That mantra got me through such a bad time. But you are living with bipolarity now and I suspect always and so I’m glad you planned your day and kept yourself from becoming a puddle of disparate feelings. Peace.
Jul 07, 2012 @ 21:53:07
I read about that horrible time in your life, Dee, and I can’t imagine how you got through it. Okay, I do too know. I know your faith is your rock, and those words by Juliana of Norwich were gripper teeth on your gloves as you clung on. My mantra is similar—–This too shall pass.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 05:35:00
I do not like holidays either. I tend to spend holidays now, observing the animals, who do not celebrate silly holidays. They live in the moment, not putting importance on anything other than daily survival. I’m glad you managed to make it through the day. I was a bit tickled about your 4:00 a.m. walk. I was up at 3:00 this morning with FD who was readying to make an early flight to Miami. He was on the road to the airport by 4:00, and as I stood outside seeing him off, I noted that the woodland birds were already chirping and singing away. What a still and quiet time to “listen” to nature.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 12:52:57
Gosh, those critters can really be our Teachers if we just let them. Next time I’m out in the wee hours, I’ll blow a kiss towards Oklahoma.